Risking Rejection

When your in grad school, a ton of opportunities come through your email on a regular basis. Some are sent college wide, some to just the students in specific disciplines, and others are more specifically sent to students. Those are the ones that interest me the most, they are the opportunities that the sender specifically thought I might be a good fit for based on something I've done in the past, an interest I have, or something similar. Such was the case this week when I received an email inviting me to apply for consideration for a fellowship that will start this spring.

The fellowship covers some of the areas of research and interests I was studying prior to my incarceration, however, it is a subject that is not limited to education and applies just the same to any discipline in higher education - such as my current one - criminal justice. Therefore, even though my major has changed, I am still interested in the issues and could still be considered for the fellowship. The invite simply said that it was being sent to those of us involved with the project in some way over the past year or so. As we know, I was not part of the project at that time, I was prior, so I'm not sure how or when my name was added, but I received the invitation. Also, the professional colleague who is responsible for the fellowship is kinda connected to my former department in several ways, so I did not know if they would be open to an application from me. That's always my fear - the judgement - even though I can do nothing of other people's judgement of me. If I decide they will judge me poorly and let it affect me, then I decide to limit my own opportunities. That is not anyone's fault but my own. So, I will not let such fears hold me back. I wrote up my application. Stared at it for several minutes to make sure I had the courage to press 'send.' Then off it went to the servers in the sky.

An hour later, I received an email reply. It felt warm and friendly thanking me for applying. It actually said that they were "glad" I applied. Whew. I know many will apply. I will not kid myself that I will be selected automatically. I am just glad that I did not allow all that negative talk in my head and those fears stop me from taking this chance. The fact that I've feared that this formerly wonderful collegial relationship was forever tarnished is not (based on the warm response) helps me already feel as if I have been rewarded for applying. Sometimes, we need to put our best selves forward and take a risk. We may not get what we want, but we may actually get something even better - one less fear holding us back!