Laughter and Privilege

I wonder whether this has happened to others. You get all nervous. Sit down to tell someone your story. At the end, tell them you are going to prison. And they LAUGH. They can't help it. It is the last thing they can ever imagine coming out of your mouth.

I will certainly not fit anyone's stereotype of a felon or prison inmate. That does not make the experience any less real for me. The laughter goes through me almost like nails on a chalk board, I've just trusted someone with something so deep and terrifying and their laughter makes it into a joke. I know they don't mean it that way. They literally do not believe me.

It makes me think of life after prison just a bit. I will have the good fortune of people giving me the benefit of the doubt and opportunities because of who I am, what I look like, and my education. Others will not be so lucky, they will wear their felony decree like a tattoo etched on their forehead where people do not give them a break because of racism, ignorance, and cycles of poverty. People will not laugh at them about their felony, they assume the felony. It is such a sad society we live in.

This is one of the many reasons I will do my best at acceptance throughout my prison stay. I've had so much privilege in my life for the mere fact of the color of my skin or the community I was raised in. Many people I will be imprisoned with have never had one day of that reality of privilege in their life. I am no better than anyone there. I committed my crime, where some of them could be innocent. The racism in our judicial system is vast and I even studied it in law school. 

I'm not saying that everyone in prison is innocent, I'm just saying that privilege gave me one year and a day, where someone else could have been sentenced to two years. Privilege gave me five years to get well before being charged, where someone else would have been arrested immediately. Privilege is allowing me to self surrender, where someone else would be held in custody. Privilege allowed me to travel internationally one month before my sentencing, where someone else would have had to turn in their passport earlier.

The purpose of this blog - be aware of your privilege if you have some - because the other inmates certainly will be!