I grew up in a home, where my mom got Reader's Digest monthly. After reading it, she would put it on a shelf in the den. We had a shelf full of Reader's Digest magazines. I never opened one of them to see what was inside. I have no idea if it is like it was when it started in the 1920's or if it has changed a lot over the years, but I recently received my second monthly issue, and must say, it is the perfect reading for someone in prison. Why?
It is full of laughter! This last issue had over 100 funny stories, jokes, cartoons and more. These were not "stupid" humor items, but the kind of comedy I like - smart humor. Some were so good, I laughed out loud and/or shared them with my roommates.
The reading is quick. The digest is full of short stories, articles, and and commentaries. These are easy to pick up and read while waiting in line for the clinic, waiting for stand-up count, or for some, waiting in pill line.
The magazine has a lot of content. While each story is relatively short, there's a lot of it. It's not a magazine you look through for 30 minutes and put down. For me, it took me two days to ingest all the great materials.
Speaking of which, the non-joke material is wonderful to read. They have sections of books, personal stories, and educational stories. For example, I just read a wonderful story written by a mother who lost her young son in the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. I also read a piece about 10 things that make your home a home (family, art, etc.). I read something about signs someone may have a stroke (did you know that a crease in your earlobe may be a telltale sign?). The content is interesting, covers many topics, and is well written. Even the ads are interesting (I loved one that had a thumbprint and it was full of about 100 funny sayings). Okay, I do admit, I'm dying for good entertainment and reading materials (prison sucks, if you didn't know that).
Now, I certainly do not work for Reader's Digest. I am getting no "kick-back" for this plug for the magazine. I'm just saying it may be a magazine to start re-looking at - and a great one to send loved ones in prison.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
From Dragonfly: Inmate.com
Inmate.com is the rumor mill. The first time I heard an inmate say that they heard something on inmate.com, I asked, "where do I access that?" Okay, I am gullible. All it means is that it's going around as a rumor. All sorts of things are on inmate.com. There's news of an inmate recall (which is only usually 20% accurate), sending people home (which is only about 10% accurate), transferring a lot of people to other facilities (which is about 45% accurate), health scares (which is usually about 99% accurate), fights (which is about 100% accurate), new items in commissary (about 70% accurate), well, you get the idea. There are constant rumors. We always hear about C.O.'s having affairs with inmates (probably about 0.1% accurate). But the rumors that really bother me, are the rumors about grandiose opportunities upon our release.
From early in my time here in Carswell, I started to hear the rumors. Inmates from all walks of life talk about them. The first rumor is that once we are released from prison, we can go to social security, file some documents about PTSD from prison, and have like $1,600 within a couple days. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
Another is that we automatically qualify for disability upon release. Well, that is true for those who were on disability PRIOR to imprisonment, but not so much for the general population. Again, too good to be true.
People say that social security will put us on their rolls. Ummm, social security starts at age 65, so for most of us, we wouldn't even qualify. Too good...
Finally, there's a rumor on inmate.com that we are eligible for a government grant for up to $16,000 to help us start our own business. Does anyone realize we are criminals? The government is not going to just hand us money - UNLESS we continue our manipulative ways and do, yet, another illegal thing. Money is not just handed to ex-felons. (Oh, there is the possibility of $100 given to us as we head home --- but that's all).
So, I decided to research all the above items. I asked friends at home to do research and I went to the library and read books about getting started again, once released from prison. I can now verify that inmate.com is wrong when it comes to beliefs about "free money" upon release from prison. We need to find jobs, pay our own rent, feed ourselves, and take care of our own families. Oh, and pay our restitution.
That's not to say that some states may have special programs, but that would be state to state, so I cannot verify whether it's true or not. Also, there are federal programs we can APPLY for and possibly QUALIFY for. These include food stamps, welfare, unemployment, disability, emergency funding, emergency housing, and more. However, these are not guaranteed, some of these programs are only going to be for families with children, and nothing will happen overnight. That's one of the reasons almost all inmates go through a halfway house prior to full community re-entry.
I, also, read in a book that some states, not sure if it is most states or not, will not allow anyone still on supervised released to live in Section 8 housing. Many people here come from section 8 housing, so this may surprise them. Also, at least New York (I couldn't find books on other states yesterday), will not allow anyone to live in section 8 housing until they are off supervision AND done paying their restitution. Had that been my only option, it would have been closed to me, as the amount of my restitution is beyond my ability to pay off without a good job. Since section 8 is a federal program, I imagine New York's rules are similar to those in other states.
Don't be too discouraged, though. I did hear a news story this morning about a new home being built for women just recently released from prison. There are places like that throughout the country. There are community programs that help us. There are food pantries to feed us. Many of us have family and friends to help us out until we get ourselves settled. I just request that people think through what inmate.com is saying. If it sounds too good to be true (i.e. "they are sending 800 of us home within two months") it probably is too good to be true!
From early in my time here in Carswell, I started to hear the rumors. Inmates from all walks of life talk about them. The first rumor is that once we are released from prison, we can go to social security, file some documents about PTSD from prison, and have like $1,600 within a couple days. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
Another is that we automatically qualify for disability upon release. Well, that is true for those who were on disability PRIOR to imprisonment, but not so much for the general population. Again, too good to be true.
People say that social security will put us on their rolls. Ummm, social security starts at age 65, so for most of us, we wouldn't even qualify. Too good...
Finally, there's a rumor on inmate.com that we are eligible for a government grant for up to $16,000 to help us start our own business. Does anyone realize we are criminals? The government is not going to just hand us money - UNLESS we continue our manipulative ways and do, yet, another illegal thing. Money is not just handed to ex-felons. (Oh, there is the possibility of $100 given to us as we head home --- but that's all).
So, I decided to research all the above items. I asked friends at home to do research and I went to the library and read books about getting started again, once released from prison. I can now verify that inmate.com is wrong when it comes to beliefs about "free money" upon release from prison. We need to find jobs, pay our own rent, feed ourselves, and take care of our own families. Oh, and pay our restitution.
That's not to say that some states may have special programs, but that would be state to state, so I cannot verify whether it's true or not. Also, there are federal programs we can APPLY for and possibly QUALIFY for. These include food stamps, welfare, unemployment, disability, emergency funding, emergency housing, and more. However, these are not guaranteed, some of these programs are only going to be for families with children, and nothing will happen overnight. That's one of the reasons almost all inmates go through a halfway house prior to full community re-entry.
I, also, read in a book that some states, not sure if it is most states or not, will not allow anyone still on supervised released to live in Section 8 housing. Many people here come from section 8 housing, so this may surprise them. Also, at least New York (I couldn't find books on other states yesterday), will not allow anyone to live in section 8 housing until they are off supervision AND done paying their restitution. Had that been my only option, it would have been closed to me, as the amount of my restitution is beyond my ability to pay off without a good job. Since section 8 is a federal program, I imagine New York's rules are similar to those in other states.
Don't be too discouraged, though. I did hear a news story this morning about a new home being built for women just recently released from prison. There are places like that throughout the country. There are community programs that help us. There are food pantries to feed us. Many of us have family and friends to help us out until we get ourselves settled. I just request that people think through what inmate.com is saying. If it sounds too good to be true (i.e. "they are sending 800 of us home within two months") it probably is too good to be true!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
From Dragonfly: Team 2
Today was my second team meeting. Team, again, is when inmates meet with their case worker, unit manager, and unit counselor all together. Since I leave in less than a year, I have team 3-4 times total before I leave. My next one is scheduled in March, 2014.
Anyway, during team, they talk about any issues within the institution (like if I have been getting in trouble --- which I have not), they update my paperwork (now shows I have a job and that I got off kosher fare), and talk about anything necessary happening on the outside. They are surprised that Sporty has not yet heard from probation to approve my release home. Once the home is approved, my case manager can put in for my halfway house date. They are still hoping for it to be longer than just good time, but rather several months. Nothing can happen until my home is approved, though. So, it may be a long while for any changes to my out date. If I get a longer halfway house stay, I would be able to go through the halfway house quickly and then move to home confinement. I'm willing to do anything to lawfully free myself from prison!
Anyway, during team, they talk about any issues within the institution (like if I have been getting in trouble --- which I have not), they update my paperwork (now shows I have a job and that I got off kosher fare), and talk about anything necessary happening on the outside. They are surprised that Sporty has not yet heard from probation to approve my release home. Once the home is approved, my case manager can put in for my halfway house date. They are still hoping for it to be longer than just good time, but rather several months. Nothing can happen until my home is approved, though. So, it may be a long while for any changes to my out date. If I get a longer halfway house stay, I would be able to go through the halfway house quickly and then move to home confinement. I'm willing to do anything to lawfully free myself from prison!
From Dragonfly: No Matter
No matter how bad I think I have it, there's always people who have it worse. Here, in prison, I see people fighting cancer, with bald heads, and no family around. I see people carried down two flights of stairs (the elevator is broken), while having a seizure. I see women standing 3+ hours in lines to get their medication that keeps them alive. I see people having spent 20+ years in prison, with no hope of dying anywhere else. I see women who belong in a psychiatric hospital, not a prison. I see women who have lost custody of their babies, even though their prison sentence is not long and others who have lost their entire families. I see women who never got the help they need, and are still battling drug addiction - willing to do anything to get that next high. I see women unable to attend the funerals of their most beloved people - spouses, parents, siblings and children. I see many people who have given up on hope.
Not just here, but throughout the world, there are people so much less fortunate than I (even though most would think my current circumstances grants me "unfortunate" status). In South Africa, I walked through townships filled with shacks (made of scraps and tarps) without electricity or running water, attempting to raise generations of family in one or two rooms. In Vietnam, I met families who could not afford shoes for their children and whose only mode of transportation was a hand built canoe with holes. I've met countless homeless throughout the U.S. and the world. So many can only live day to day, yet they do not give up hope - and neither shall I.
I open with all this because I learned in a letter last night, that my admission to my University, where I have given two years of quality study, research, and work, has officially revoked my admission. This news is devastating to me. It is impossible for people here to understand why my education would cause such feelings - they say things like, "Can't you just go somewhere else?" I truly gave my heart and soul into my PhD program and in return, I was given amazing opportunities and set goals for my future. Having lost two careers due to my addiction and crime associated with it's downfall, as well as family, reputation, community, friends, etc to the devastation of my gambling addiction, going back to school was my opportunity at a second chance. It was a very rigorous application process and my final decision on where to attend was not made lightly. I officially started a new life, moving to a new state, leaving all my friends and family, to attend this school. Now, T.S. and Sporty have joined me. T.S. is a freshman at the University and Sporty moved there to be there for both me and T.S. My home is now with Sporty in that town. My three years of supervision will be there, just a 5 minute drive from my campus, living with Sporty. I'm leaving here at 41 years of ago and it is a LONG process to start over again. I would have to go to a new school, go through the application process, and would now need to reveal that I am a felon. When I went through the last application process, it was years before any of these federal charges. I do not think it likely that another program will accept me after I need to reveal the truth on why I am no longer at my former University.
I am allowed to appeal the decision. I can't even try to do this without a lawyer, which I do not have. They gave me 30 days, and the letter I write would go to the supervisor of Dr. P. in her new position and since she is part of this story, it would be a conflict to go against her wishes. So, this leaves me with a lot of unknowns. What I had hoped was that I was coming home to - my classes, my old job that I loved, health insurance - all that is no more. Thank god for my recovery program and my trust that, somehow, things will work out for me in the end - as long as I keep doing the right next thing. I must release control and concentrate on all I am grateful for.
I am not fighting cancer. I get visitors. I don't have seizures. I don't have to stand in pill line. I will be out of prison in less than 9 months. I will die someday and somewhere outside of prison. I am not mentally ill. I am surrounded by support and love from biological and chosen family. I no longer battle addiction. I can focus on recovery. I have not given up hope. I have a home to go to - with Sporty there to support me. I can count on food on the table and heat to keep me warm. I have enough shoes for my lifetime (if needed), and I have a scooter to get me around.
So, yesterday, was a bad day. In my life, the letter withdrawing my status as a doctoral student was yet another reminder of how much addiction and it's consequences can destroy lives. Of course, I will keep fighting, but I must have the wisdom to also know when I can change things and when I cannot.
I know, no matter what, this is not an end for me. I am on a journey called life. It may not go exactly as I saw my life as a child, or in my 20's or even just a year ago, but I'm still here. I get to write. I get to help people. As long as I am still able to make a positive contribution to the world, I know I'll be okay. Never give up Hope.
I just read an incredible book by Mitch Abrams. The last sentence was, "I am in love with hope." Being lost is not the end, it's what we find next that can bring us back to a smile, a laugh, and new goals.
Not just here, but throughout the world, there are people so much less fortunate than I (even though most would think my current circumstances grants me "unfortunate" status). In South Africa, I walked through townships filled with shacks (made of scraps and tarps) without electricity or running water, attempting to raise generations of family in one or two rooms. In Vietnam, I met families who could not afford shoes for their children and whose only mode of transportation was a hand built canoe with holes. I've met countless homeless throughout the U.S. and the world. So many can only live day to day, yet they do not give up hope - and neither shall I.
I open with all this because I learned in a letter last night, that my admission to my University, where I have given two years of quality study, research, and work, has officially revoked my admission. This news is devastating to me. It is impossible for people here to understand why my education would cause such feelings - they say things like, "Can't you just go somewhere else?" I truly gave my heart and soul into my PhD program and in return, I was given amazing opportunities and set goals for my future. Having lost two careers due to my addiction and crime associated with it's downfall, as well as family, reputation, community, friends, etc to the devastation of my gambling addiction, going back to school was my opportunity at a second chance. It was a very rigorous application process and my final decision on where to attend was not made lightly. I officially started a new life, moving to a new state, leaving all my friends and family, to attend this school. Now, T.S. and Sporty have joined me. T.S. is a freshman at the University and Sporty moved there to be there for both me and T.S. My home is now with Sporty in that town. My three years of supervision will be there, just a 5 minute drive from my campus, living with Sporty. I'm leaving here at 41 years of ago and it is a LONG process to start over again. I would have to go to a new school, go through the application process, and would now need to reveal that I am a felon. When I went through the last application process, it was years before any of these federal charges. I do not think it likely that another program will accept me after I need to reveal the truth on why I am no longer at my former University.
I am allowed to appeal the decision. I can't even try to do this without a lawyer, which I do not have. They gave me 30 days, and the letter I write would go to the supervisor of Dr. P. in her new position and since she is part of this story, it would be a conflict to go against her wishes. So, this leaves me with a lot of unknowns. What I had hoped was that I was coming home to - my classes, my old job that I loved, health insurance - all that is no more. Thank god for my recovery program and my trust that, somehow, things will work out for me in the end - as long as I keep doing the right next thing. I must release control and concentrate on all I am grateful for.
I am not fighting cancer. I get visitors. I don't have seizures. I don't have to stand in pill line. I will be out of prison in less than 9 months. I will die someday and somewhere outside of prison. I am not mentally ill. I am surrounded by support and love from biological and chosen family. I no longer battle addiction. I can focus on recovery. I have not given up hope. I have a home to go to - with Sporty there to support me. I can count on food on the table and heat to keep me warm. I have enough shoes for my lifetime (if needed), and I have a scooter to get me around.
So, yesterday, was a bad day. In my life, the letter withdrawing my status as a doctoral student was yet another reminder of how much addiction and it's consequences can destroy lives. Of course, I will keep fighting, but I must have the wisdom to also know when I can change things and when I cannot.
I know, no matter what, this is not an end for me. I am on a journey called life. It may not go exactly as I saw my life as a child, or in my 20's or even just a year ago, but I'm still here. I get to write. I get to help people. As long as I am still able to make a positive contribution to the world, I know I'll be okay. Never give up Hope.
I just read an incredible book by Mitch Abrams. The last sentence was, "I am in love with hope." Being lost is not the end, it's what we find next that can bring us back to a smile, a laugh, and new goals.
From Draglonfly: Education
If you walked through the education department in this prison (and probably other prisons), it would not be like most educational facilities. We have 8 "teachers." That is their title. 5 have classrooms and teach when they want. The classrooms are staffed by tutors, who are the primary teachers. The teachers approve the curriculum, the tutors write the lessons and carry out the work. The teachers decide who is ready to test (tabe, pre-test, official GED test), based on the information provided by the tutors. The teachers are out of the department with other duties at least 25% of the time. It is really self-study environment, except that the tutors are there the whole time and also teach some lessons. All the classrooms are different sizes and hold different amounts of students. Students are placed in specific classrooms for specific reasons (don't ask me the reasons - I know one classroom is specifically for people who struggled the most - although, most the students struggle significantly). Some classrooms have three tutors assigned, some just one. Why? Not sure.
The department is constantly making changes, new furniture, new computers, big TVs... but then everything is changed a month later. Not sure why. We have a new education resource center that was put together in September. They are moving it to a new room before the end of the year. We have a computer classroom that has not been used for computer classes the entire time I've been here. Why? Not sure. But, these students need typing and basic computing classes. The GED testing will be 100% computerized come January. Those tests will be in the newly built testing room - which looks nice.
Every so often, like at least 1 time per month, students are told not to come to classes from anywhere of 1 day to 3 days. Last week, students had 1 1/2 days off, this week, 3 days off. The tutors still come to work, which is fine with me. I would go crazy with nothing to do. They don't tell us why we have no students, sometimes we never know what's happening. I do know that, at least sometimes, it is when we are having important visitors to the department (judges, accreditation, etc.). Sometimes, they set up one mock class to be occurring while they do their education walk-through... I guess we need to make it "look good."
In reality, I think our education department does good work. In addition to the GED courses, we have apprenticeships that self-study for their boards 2 afternoons/week. We have inmates apprenticing in many of the traditional blue collar roles. They walk out of here ready for a career. Pretty great. We also have the cosmo department - practicing by doing inmates hair for free. My next appointment, I am getting highlights. Finally, we have our ACE (adult continuing education courses). I'm a huge fan of those. People take 6 weeks in a subject they sign up for. If they complete it, they get a certificate and century points. Century points can actually decrease a person's security level over time. The certificate is good to bring home and show our probation supervisors. Shows we did something productive in prison.
I am currently teaching an ACE course and taking an ACE course. My PSR said that I have to take a personal finance class. So, I am taking it now. It may be information I already know, but I must be able to show that certificate at the end to my probation officer. I am teaching U.S. Government. Tonight is the third class. It is on state and local governments. I try to make my class as interactive as possible. In two weeks, students will sign up for the next 6 week ACE sessions. I will be teaching Essay Writing in that go-round. Many of the ACE classes are not as "academic" in nature. Many are actually video series based. One class right now is watching a variety of National Geographic videos about the rain forest. Another class is learning about "Big Cats." There will be a Jacques Cousteau class in the next session of course. These ACE classes tend to fill and fast... although, the academic courses are not as full as the rain forest type courses.
A lot of women have to take parenting courses as part of their incarceration. We offer those in English and Spanish every 6 week session. They are always filled up completely. The inmates need to show that certification to their probation officer.
I'm glad I am part of the education department. I am treated with respect, most of the time, and I am able to give back to my community. I have great co-tutors and we all work very hard, for little pay - just like teachers on the outside. Students have even brought an apple and placed it on my desk... corny, but shows their appreciation. I can ask nothing more!
The department is constantly making changes, new furniture, new computers, big TVs... but then everything is changed a month later. Not sure why. We have a new education resource center that was put together in September. They are moving it to a new room before the end of the year. We have a computer classroom that has not been used for computer classes the entire time I've been here. Why? Not sure. But, these students need typing and basic computing classes. The GED testing will be 100% computerized come January. Those tests will be in the newly built testing room - which looks nice.
Every so often, like at least 1 time per month, students are told not to come to classes from anywhere of 1 day to 3 days. Last week, students had 1 1/2 days off, this week, 3 days off. The tutors still come to work, which is fine with me. I would go crazy with nothing to do. They don't tell us why we have no students, sometimes we never know what's happening. I do know that, at least sometimes, it is when we are having important visitors to the department (judges, accreditation, etc.). Sometimes, they set up one mock class to be occurring while they do their education walk-through... I guess we need to make it "look good."
In reality, I think our education department does good work. In addition to the GED courses, we have apprenticeships that self-study for their boards 2 afternoons/week. We have inmates apprenticing in many of the traditional blue collar roles. They walk out of here ready for a career. Pretty great. We also have the cosmo department - practicing by doing inmates hair for free. My next appointment, I am getting highlights. Finally, we have our ACE (adult continuing education courses). I'm a huge fan of those. People take 6 weeks in a subject they sign up for. If they complete it, they get a certificate and century points. Century points can actually decrease a person's security level over time. The certificate is good to bring home and show our probation supervisors. Shows we did something productive in prison.
I am currently teaching an ACE course and taking an ACE course. My PSR said that I have to take a personal finance class. So, I am taking it now. It may be information I already know, but I must be able to show that certificate at the end to my probation officer. I am teaching U.S. Government. Tonight is the third class. It is on state and local governments. I try to make my class as interactive as possible. In two weeks, students will sign up for the next 6 week ACE sessions. I will be teaching Essay Writing in that go-round. Many of the ACE classes are not as "academic" in nature. Many are actually video series based. One class right now is watching a variety of National Geographic videos about the rain forest. Another class is learning about "Big Cats." There will be a Jacques Cousteau class in the next session of course. These ACE classes tend to fill and fast... although, the academic courses are not as full as the rain forest type courses.
A lot of women have to take parenting courses as part of their incarceration. We offer those in English and Spanish every 6 week session. They are always filled up completely. The inmates need to show that certification to their probation officer.
I'm glad I am part of the education department. I am treated with respect, most of the time, and I am able to give back to my community. I have great co-tutors and we all work very hard, for little pay - just like teachers on the outside. Students have even brought an apple and placed it on my desk... corny, but shows their appreciation. I can ask nothing more!
From Dragonfly: Beep, Beep, Beep
At least twice per month, the sound of the fire alarm fills our ears in our housing units. It is one of those sounds that stays within your head for hours after the alarm stops. This morning, a Saturday, it was 5:15am when it was going off. I was one of the lucky ones, I was already awake and just exiting the restroom. Most were still fast asleep, others were in the shower. It was cold outside, so I can't imagine having to go out there wet!! I wasn't dressed for the weather, either, shorts, shower shoes (crocs), tshirt and sweatshirt... My legs and face were downright shivering. It takes more than 10 minutes for everyone to exit the towers (housing units not attached to the medical facility). There are almost 1,000 women living in them. Some have to walk down 4 double flights of stairs --- 96 stairs in total. When the alarm is over, they need to walk right back up those same stairs. Others have to be put in their wheel chairs and hope that someone will assist them out of the building (one thing people are good about here, is helping out those in wheelchairs - especially the elderly). I know that it's part of the safety record to do fire drills... and some are during daylight hours, but many are in the middle of the night. To me, that seems like corporal punishment. I'm not sure how often they do the housing units within the medical facility, but since there would be so much dependence on staff (people in hospital beds, etc.), it can't be all that often. Since my job is in the medical facility, I have yet to hear a fire alarm (drill) during the normal work hours in the medical facility.
I couldn't fall back asleep, so I laid in my bed and read using my book light. I am so grateful that I could purchase a book light in the commissary. It is actually decent quality and I use it every night. Last night I didn't use it much, because I went to sleep just after dinner (around 6 pm). I woke for count (which was late at 10pm) and then again just before this morning's fire drill. Guess I needed my sleep. Acquaintances, here, say that I seem a lot more tired these days, but I know that's normal with my physical condition. I took a lot of naps in the last year, and here, I don't get naps.
I am very grateful to many friends on the outside who decided to give me subscriptions to magazines. They are the perfect read for waiting in the clinic lobby, resting, and more! I recently received my first copies of "Reader's Digest," "National Geographic," and "People." I read them all cover to cover. They remind me of life outside of these walls! I highly recommend magazine subscriptions for anyone going to prison!
I couldn't fall back asleep, so I laid in my bed and read using my book light. I am so grateful that I could purchase a book light in the commissary. It is actually decent quality and I use it every night. Last night I didn't use it much, because I went to sleep just after dinner (around 6 pm). I woke for count (which was late at 10pm) and then again just before this morning's fire drill. Guess I needed my sleep. Acquaintances, here, say that I seem a lot more tired these days, but I know that's normal with my physical condition. I took a lot of naps in the last year, and here, I don't get naps.
I am very grateful to many friends on the outside who decided to give me subscriptions to magazines. They are the perfect read for waiting in the clinic lobby, resting, and more! I recently received my first copies of "Reader's Digest," "National Geographic," and "People." I read them all cover to cover. They remind me of life outside of these walls! I highly recommend magazine subscriptions for anyone going to prison!
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