It's Friday night and I am in the email room for the first time today. I am just moving a little slow today and couldn't get in here earlier. I put in a good day's work. For the past two days, I have been helping in a different classroom since one of the usual tutors is out having surgery. It wasn't much of a choice, but it was a good class to work with. I've now watched how three different classes get students ready for their GED and each time I learn different techniques and meet different students who give me hope. Whatever I find myself doing when I am out of here, I hope I am teaching. I just love the moment when a student "gets" it!
The weekend will bring a couple of days without waking from an alarm (although I wake before 6am on my own), down time to crochet and read, and too much time dealing with unit drama. My need for something different, to see beyond the fences of this prison, is growing. Star pointed out to me the street lights that we can see at a distance from a specific point on the campus. Freckles found a spot where we can see neon purple from a hotel somewhere in the distance. These spots remind me that there is life beyond the limits of this place. Hearing a plane above head or, even, seeing our staff walking through the front building, is evidence of life - real life. I know I've been here for such a short period of time, but it's already hard to imagine being in darkness or having a cuddle or driving a car. My rides on Hope are a distance memory - my life is engulfed entirely in survival. I cannot imagine why this is the punishment for people who are non-violent. The more you are in prison, the more likely you are to become hardened and a real criminal!
Even the staff have bought in to this place. Today, two teachers commented that my uniform is not ironed. I explained the difficulty of laundry and utilizing an iron - everything is a fight and I stay away from fights... best I can. Just his last week at laundry I was called a "f***ing cracker" by a woman who was upset that I wouldn't take my clothes out of the washer until my dryer was ready (5 minutes). I would have had to stand there will my entire wet load of clothes in my arms or put them on a dirty surface --- neither option works. Once the dryer was available, my clothes went in, just like anyone else would do. The irons are practically "owned" by the women who do people's laundry for commissary items. There are women here who do five loads of other people's every day! Try getting around them to get one of the three irons in a unit of 256 women!!!
I informed the staff members that the only way I could get my clothes ironed is if I pay someone - which I do not have the funds for. One teacher piped in that I should charge for tutoring in my unit. I informed them that 1) I am not hustling something that is a good deed; and 2) hustling is not allowed here. They called me back over and said, "I didn't tell you to do that..." fearing the wrong person would know that they said that. That's how things go here - if you want to follow the rules and not lose good time, you are in the minority. I'm often told, "you are in prison now... act like a prisoner!" But, I don't want to fit in here, I want to go home --- that is all I want!!!!!
Okay, heading out to 30 degree weather. It almost feels like home. Here, people are not used to this kind of weather, but those of us from the Midwest feel right at home. I'm just wearing a heavy sweatshirt... it doesn't feel that bad. Off to crochet or read or both... I'm sure I will be sitting with my peers, talking about families, stresses, and inmate.com news. It's what we do every night!
Friday, November 22, 2013
From Dragonfly: Appeal
People in prison are always talking about "appeals." For nearly all of them, it is an appeal of their criminal conviction and/or their sentencing. I don't blame them, they were punished for taking their cases to trial (lose 2 points on conviction) and most had incredibly high mandatory minimums. I know women here for LIFE from dealing drugs. As much as anyone can't stand drugs, giving someone a higher sentence for dealing drugs than a killer who gets 20 years is a bit extreme. In fact, today, congress is talking about these very issues - mandatory minimums and sentence computations. Once the new bills are passed, it will be a madhouse here of people trying to get their sentence reduced. Many people will be going home. I pray, not back to their drug dealing ways.
For me, I am not appealing my case or sentence. I chose to plea, knowing full well that the judge could impose any sentence. I received less time than the guidelines suggested, and none of the new congressional bills will apply to me. I am appealing, though, I just typed up my appeal to my university for revoking my admission. This appeal goes directly to the Provost. Thanks to Sporty, I was able to receive a copy of the Graduate Student Rights and Responsibilities and there were many provisions that I could refer to in my appeal. It makes a strong argument that my due process rights, my privacy rights, and my rights to be treated civilly and professionally have been violated. I was also able to appeal that the revocation of my admission was an inappropriate sanction. I have no idea how the current Provost will handle the information. I want more than anything to remain a student, but I also am protecting my rights for further action, should that have to occur.
Truth is that most appeals are not successful. However, a small number are - a woman in here just learned that her appeal of sentence computation was successful and she is going home ANY day now. Another friend just learned that her appeal for denial of unemployment security benefits was successful - and she received a deposit for over 2 months of back payments. I know my appeal for reconsideration of what has happened to me with school is a stretch, however, if I don't appeal, I would only guarantee that nothing will happen. At least this way, I can always hold on to hope.
I'm working hard at finding my "hope" again. Hope is such an optimistic word. Nurse says that I am a pessimist, I see that my hope has been limited lately. But, I have many things to hope for... I have hope that all my friends and family will be healthy, I have hope that people here will get their release dates soon, I have hope that I will find my new path. I have so much hope.
Plus, I got the best feeling yesterday when one of my students and I learned that she had passed her GED. She thanked and hugged me over and over again. It was just wonderful. She didn't think she could pass the math test. She passed the whole test on her first try. She is a good person and goes home in a couple months. Her mother has terminal cancer. I hope that her success in obtaining her GED helps her mom smile and, maybe, helps her hold out til her daughter can get home to see her.
For me, I am not appealing my case or sentence. I chose to plea, knowing full well that the judge could impose any sentence. I received less time than the guidelines suggested, and none of the new congressional bills will apply to me. I am appealing, though, I just typed up my appeal to my university for revoking my admission. This appeal goes directly to the Provost. Thanks to Sporty, I was able to receive a copy of the Graduate Student Rights and Responsibilities and there were many provisions that I could refer to in my appeal. It makes a strong argument that my due process rights, my privacy rights, and my rights to be treated civilly and professionally have been violated. I was also able to appeal that the revocation of my admission was an inappropriate sanction. I have no idea how the current Provost will handle the information. I want more than anything to remain a student, but I also am protecting my rights for further action, should that have to occur.
Truth is that most appeals are not successful. However, a small number are - a woman in here just learned that her appeal of sentence computation was successful and she is going home ANY day now. Another friend just learned that her appeal for denial of unemployment security benefits was successful - and she received a deposit for over 2 months of back payments. I know my appeal for reconsideration of what has happened to me with school is a stretch, however, if I don't appeal, I would only guarantee that nothing will happen. At least this way, I can always hold on to hope.
I'm working hard at finding my "hope" again. Hope is such an optimistic word. Nurse says that I am a pessimist, I see that my hope has been limited lately. But, I have many things to hope for... I have hope that all my friends and family will be healthy, I have hope that people here will get their release dates soon, I have hope that I will find my new path. I have so much hope.
Plus, I got the best feeling yesterday when one of my students and I learned that she had passed her GED. She thanked and hugged me over and over again. It was just wonderful. She didn't think she could pass the math test. She passed the whole test on her first try. She is a good person and goes home in a couple months. Her mother has terminal cancer. I hope that her success in obtaining her GED helps her mom smile and, maybe, helps her hold out til her daughter can get home to see her.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
From Dragonfly: A Message from England
I recently was written that a person from England sent me a message of support. I find that very interesting. I wonder what would draw someone to reading my words. I suppose it doesn't matter. I SO appreciate the support and comments. I've been told that many people have found their way to my words. I never imagined that would happen. My SIL and Sporty say it's due to my "voice." Interesting.
As newbie's come into my unit on a weekly basis, sometimes I ask them how they "researched" this place before arrival. So many say that they only read the online orientation book. I ask, "did you google Carswell?" and most say, "no." Obviously, I did enough researching for a 1,000 people over, but it still surprises me that they didn't do the same. Not one person I've met has told me that they've read my words. Fascinating.
A woman in my drawing class (yes, I signed up for a drawing class at indoor rec that occurs on Tuesday night's for one month) told me that she does not believe I will be allowed to go to a camp or halfway house. I asked, "why?" She said, well, we can all see your decline. I asked what that meant. She told me that I've slowed down, that my walking is very limited (especially at night and in the a.m.), and that my energy has decreased. I have to admit that the pain in my legs is much, much worse than when I arrived. I just was trying to mask it as much as possible. It's not like I can do anything about it. I still haven't seen the Rheumatologist, even though the consult was ordered in August. Perhaps my methotrexate needs to be increased, or maybe there's something else we can do. I don't want to be back on a cane, or even worse, on these walkers they give out like candy to anyone who has a hard time walking. I'm told I walk like an 80 year old woman. I guess that balances me out, because most people think I'm 20-something... I look half my age and physically I am twice my age.
I wonder what kind of career I could have after all this is over. Now that 3 careers have been taken from me as a result of my past actions, how will I, as a felon, make a living. Some have said that I should write a book. However, everyone in here says they are going to write a book. The difference for me is that my experience at Carswell would be just a chapter of a much larger book about "hope" and my life's experiences. So, I've considered it, but I'm not sure my writing is good enough, that my story is interesting enough, that my P.O. would consider that a job, or that my family would support such a venture. I wish I could write thrillers like John Grisham - then, perhaps, I would be an author.
With my physical limitations and felony status, the one thing I DEFINITELY don't want is to not work. I don't want to depend on public benefits. I want to be productive and give to people. I want decent health insurance, and the money to pay off my restitution. If I thought about what I may be like 5 years from now, I see a blank slate - anything is possible. It is always possible. For now, I'm just letting go and allowing myself to have no specific plan.
Sharing these words with you helps. The biggest difference in my life from 5 years ago is that I was alone. Now, I have incredible friends and community support (even support from England, I suppose). I know that as long as I keep sharing, as long as my recovery stays strong, I will always have a cheering squad wishing me the best. They may be the only ones to buy my book, if I wrote one, but at least it wouldn't be that no one would read it. Perhaps I will find a way to continue my international travels. I've never been to Europe (even if my words have). There's so much possibility for everyone. So, the support means a lot to me - from friends and strangers - and I will keep writing - because it's something I've always done. My voice will stay out for people to read. Maybe that is how I will do some good, maybe.
As newbie's come into my unit on a weekly basis, sometimes I ask them how they "researched" this place before arrival. So many say that they only read the online orientation book. I ask, "did you google Carswell?" and most say, "no." Obviously, I did enough researching for a 1,000 people over, but it still surprises me that they didn't do the same. Not one person I've met has told me that they've read my words. Fascinating.
A woman in my drawing class (yes, I signed up for a drawing class at indoor rec that occurs on Tuesday night's for one month) told me that she does not believe I will be allowed to go to a camp or halfway house. I asked, "why?" She said, well, we can all see your decline. I asked what that meant. She told me that I've slowed down, that my walking is very limited (especially at night and in the a.m.), and that my energy has decreased. I have to admit that the pain in my legs is much, much worse than when I arrived. I just was trying to mask it as much as possible. It's not like I can do anything about it. I still haven't seen the Rheumatologist, even though the consult was ordered in August. Perhaps my methotrexate needs to be increased, or maybe there's something else we can do. I don't want to be back on a cane, or even worse, on these walkers they give out like candy to anyone who has a hard time walking. I'm told I walk like an 80 year old woman. I guess that balances me out, because most people think I'm 20-something... I look half my age and physically I am twice my age.
I wonder what kind of career I could have after all this is over. Now that 3 careers have been taken from me as a result of my past actions, how will I, as a felon, make a living. Some have said that I should write a book. However, everyone in here says they are going to write a book. The difference for me is that my experience at Carswell would be just a chapter of a much larger book about "hope" and my life's experiences. So, I've considered it, but I'm not sure my writing is good enough, that my story is interesting enough, that my P.O. would consider that a job, or that my family would support such a venture. I wish I could write thrillers like John Grisham - then, perhaps, I would be an author.
With my physical limitations and felony status, the one thing I DEFINITELY don't want is to not work. I don't want to depend on public benefits. I want to be productive and give to people. I want decent health insurance, and the money to pay off my restitution. If I thought about what I may be like 5 years from now, I see a blank slate - anything is possible. It is always possible. For now, I'm just letting go and allowing myself to have no specific plan.
Sharing these words with you helps. The biggest difference in my life from 5 years ago is that I was alone. Now, I have incredible friends and community support (even support from England, I suppose). I know that as long as I keep sharing, as long as my recovery stays strong, I will always have a cheering squad wishing me the best. They may be the only ones to buy my book, if I wrote one, but at least it wouldn't be that no one would read it. Perhaps I will find a way to continue my international travels. I've never been to Europe (even if my words have). There's so much possibility for everyone. So, the support means a lot to me - from friends and strangers - and I will keep writing - because it's something I've always done. My voice will stay out for people to read. Maybe that is how I will do some good, maybe.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
From Dragonfly: Addiction
I'd like to write that addiction does not exist on the inside of prison, but that would be fooling myself and you... Addiction and addictive behavior is rampant. First, there are the drug users. There are a number of ways pills get around - one is the person who puts a bag of pills up a body edifice, I can't imagine, and then passes the strip search, upon entry to the prison. Another way pills are passed around are through people who go through pill line, and then stick the pill to their inside upper gums using denture glue - so when they open their mouth, it looks like they must have swallowed the pill. Some pills are "self-carry," but not the ones that people like to take to get high or numb themselves. I'd like to say that I don't know any of these people who trade pills, take pills, deal pills, or similar - but in fact, I know many. I see students come to the GED classes high, I see people who sleep all day, drugged out of their mind, I see people pass out during count, because they are too "f-d" up to stand up. It happens. It's very sad to me.
Those with drug related offenses on their PSI are usually recommended for the RDAP program (a residential drug abuse program). There is also a weekly program that is less intense. I recently learned that RDAP does not allow the participants to consider their drug use as an "emotional illness" - which is what the 12-step recovery programs stand on. I find it odd, because the emotional illness underlies all the irrational behavior that leads to our addiction. Anyway, even people in these prison programs are taking pills on the side.
Aside from the drug users, there are alcoholics. How, you may ask? There isn't any alcohol allowed in prison. However, I've actually seen people make a jug of "hooch" from alcohol pads. Disgusting!!!! I've seen people let their apples get so old that they make a natural "alcohol." It's non-stop here, the lengths people will go to in order to feed their addictive needs. I can't imagine any desire leading someone to such alcohol off an alcohol pad!!!
There are also nicotine addicts. Okay, smoking is forbidden, but occurs every day and all day. There are ways to sneak the tobacco in (see how people sneak drugs in), and there are people who somehow have access to rolling papers and the like. Somewhere on campus, the people sneak off and light up. They pay as much as $5 for a cig (paid out in commissary). And you thought smoking was an expensive habit on the outside!!!!
Another addiction is the need for sex and affection. Many women use their relationships as escapes from the reality of being in prison. They do risky behavior and get into odd situations to be part of their relationship. The drama is just as addictive as the relationship itself.
A big addiction here is food. The average weight gain is 55 pounds. I've written about that before. There are people who can't hold a bag of chips without eating the entire bag. They always eat everything on their dinner tray, as well as some of their neighbor's tray. Then, there are conversations about "starving" oneself or bulimic activities. These are talked about, as if they are normal behaviors.
So many symbols of addiction are here in prison. So little in terms of real recovery. I miss my GA program SOOOOO much. I miss the understanding of people who have worked hard to lead healthier lives. I am one example, though, of someone who is doing her best to avoid all these kinds of addictive behaviors. It is quite possible and people will pretty much leave you alone if you show no interest in their behaviors. Also, keeping my mouth shut about who, what and where is essential. I just turn my back, and do my best to forget what I'd just seen or heard. It's possible.
Those with drug related offenses on their PSI are usually recommended for the RDAP program (a residential drug abuse program). There is also a weekly program that is less intense. I recently learned that RDAP does not allow the participants to consider their drug use as an "emotional illness" - which is what the 12-step recovery programs stand on. I find it odd, because the emotional illness underlies all the irrational behavior that leads to our addiction. Anyway, even people in these prison programs are taking pills on the side.
Aside from the drug users, there are alcoholics. How, you may ask? There isn't any alcohol allowed in prison. However, I've actually seen people make a jug of "hooch" from alcohol pads. Disgusting!!!! I've seen people let their apples get so old that they make a natural "alcohol." It's non-stop here, the lengths people will go to in order to feed their addictive needs. I can't imagine any desire leading someone to such alcohol off an alcohol pad!!!
There are also nicotine addicts. Okay, smoking is forbidden, but occurs every day and all day. There are ways to sneak the tobacco in (see how people sneak drugs in), and there are people who somehow have access to rolling papers and the like. Somewhere on campus, the people sneak off and light up. They pay as much as $5 for a cig (paid out in commissary). And you thought smoking was an expensive habit on the outside!!!!
Another addiction is the need for sex and affection. Many women use their relationships as escapes from the reality of being in prison. They do risky behavior and get into odd situations to be part of their relationship. The drama is just as addictive as the relationship itself.
A big addiction here is food. The average weight gain is 55 pounds. I've written about that before. There are people who can't hold a bag of chips without eating the entire bag. They always eat everything on their dinner tray, as well as some of their neighbor's tray. Then, there are conversations about "starving" oneself or bulimic activities. These are talked about, as if they are normal behaviors.
So many symbols of addiction are here in prison. So little in terms of real recovery. I miss my GA program SOOOOO much. I miss the understanding of people who have worked hard to lead healthier lives. I am one example, though, of someone who is doing her best to avoid all these kinds of addictive behaviors. It is quite possible and people will pretty much leave you alone if you show no interest in their behaviors. Also, keeping my mouth shut about who, what and where is essential. I just turn my back, and do my best to forget what I'd just seen or heard. It's possible.
Monday, November 18, 2013
From Dragonfly: She says "Goodbye"
Every Monday (and some other days), there are people waking up early, grabbing one small bag of "things" and heading out early. They are the people being released. They go to R&D, are processed out, and walk out the front doors. Every week, I say "goodbye" to a couple people and most importantly - "good luck" or "stay strong." As hard as it is in here, depending on the amount of time one's been in prison, it's really hard on the outside. Imagine the person who is being released after 24 years. The entire world has changed! They have never seen an electric car, highways were not as wide, they haven't driven in all that time, banking is computerized - as is nearly every job. It would be tough.
Today, I said "goodbye" to two women who were not here quite so long. One woman has only been here 3 months. She was sentenced in the same courtroom, on the same day, for the same crime, as South. In fact, there are a bunch of "older" ladies here from that same county with the same "social security fraud" crimes - where SS overpaid them, and now they are in prison for not realizing that their checks were a bit fatter than they should be. Anyway, this woman only had 3 months incarcerated and then 3 months home confinement. She has been all smiles this weekend, knowing she is going home today. She was like a scared little cat here, and now, her husband and son are waiting outside the gates of this prison to pick her up. I'll never understand why she, South, and the others were given prison for what should have been a civil action for repayment of the SS office over payments. South still has 3 months to go.
The other woman I said goodbye to today is a younger woman, probably around my age, who was transferred to Carswell a while ago to undergo intensive cancer treatment for breast cancer. It's a bad case, and she went back into chemo/radiation after her first treatment didn't work. I was told she had beautiful hair, but I've only known her as bald. She was always a daily reminder to me of how lucky we were with Survivor, who underwent a mastectomy earlier this year, but didn't have to go through chemo or radiation. The woman leaving today fought her illness with incredible strength, barely making it when she felt sick all the way to the restroom from her room in our unit that was a bit too far away from the bathrooms. Now, she will undergo the rest of her treatment in freedom, seeing the best doctors, and, hopefully, living a cancer free life.
This woman also has quite the story. She was accused of a financial conspiracy that, she says, she did not do. In fact, since being incarcerated, the feds learned that she had nothing to do with it, and took away her restitution requirements. She says that she has been unlawfully detained. Additionally, her cancer treatments led her and her family to file a medical malpractice case. I don't know the full story of it, but I guess they should have been able to see the cancer much earlier, but never read her films, resulting in the cancer spreading and her treatment being much worse. I didn't know her then, but such stories are common around here. I'm sure some are just "inmate.com," but we see others for our own eyes.
I wish these two, strong, women the best of everything on the outside. Neither showed any inclination toward violence. They spent much of their time quietly in their room, wondering how on earth they found themselves incarcerated and a felon. They are kind, family-oriented, religious, and giving. They've brought smiles to many and a little hope to many more. I pray they are successful in the crazy world outside.
Tomorrow, a new bus, with 40+ more inmates, will arrive at Carswell. They will be from all over the country. Some will be transfers because of health issues, others will start their imprisonment here, because they are from nearby, or had already known health issues. Likely, most of them will be here, still, to say "goodbye" to me, whenever that day comes. It's a revolving door. I just hope the people I say, "goodbye" to, do not find themselves using that door again.
Today, I said "goodbye" to two women who were not here quite so long. One woman has only been here 3 months. She was sentenced in the same courtroom, on the same day, for the same crime, as South. In fact, there are a bunch of "older" ladies here from that same county with the same "social security fraud" crimes - where SS overpaid them, and now they are in prison for not realizing that their checks were a bit fatter than they should be. Anyway, this woman only had 3 months incarcerated and then 3 months home confinement. She has been all smiles this weekend, knowing she is going home today. She was like a scared little cat here, and now, her husband and son are waiting outside the gates of this prison to pick her up. I'll never understand why she, South, and the others were given prison for what should have been a civil action for repayment of the SS office over payments. South still has 3 months to go.
The other woman I said goodbye to today is a younger woman, probably around my age, who was transferred to Carswell a while ago to undergo intensive cancer treatment for breast cancer. It's a bad case, and she went back into chemo/radiation after her first treatment didn't work. I was told she had beautiful hair, but I've only known her as bald. She was always a daily reminder to me of how lucky we were with Survivor, who underwent a mastectomy earlier this year, but didn't have to go through chemo or radiation. The woman leaving today fought her illness with incredible strength, barely making it when she felt sick all the way to the restroom from her room in our unit that was a bit too far away from the bathrooms. Now, she will undergo the rest of her treatment in freedom, seeing the best doctors, and, hopefully, living a cancer free life.
This woman also has quite the story. She was accused of a financial conspiracy that, she says, she did not do. In fact, since being incarcerated, the feds learned that she had nothing to do with it, and took away her restitution requirements. She says that she has been unlawfully detained. Additionally, her cancer treatments led her and her family to file a medical malpractice case. I don't know the full story of it, but I guess they should have been able to see the cancer much earlier, but never read her films, resulting in the cancer spreading and her treatment being much worse. I didn't know her then, but such stories are common around here. I'm sure some are just "inmate.com," but we see others for our own eyes.
I wish these two, strong, women the best of everything on the outside. Neither showed any inclination toward violence. They spent much of their time quietly in their room, wondering how on earth they found themselves incarcerated and a felon. They are kind, family-oriented, religious, and giving. They've brought smiles to many and a little hope to many more. I pray they are successful in the crazy world outside.
Tomorrow, a new bus, with 40+ more inmates, will arrive at Carswell. They will be from all over the country. Some will be transfers because of health issues, others will start their imprisonment here, because they are from nearby, or had already known health issues. Likely, most of them will be here, still, to say "goodbye" to me, whenever that day comes. It's a revolving door. I just hope the people I say, "goodbye" to, do not find themselves using that door again.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
From Dragonfly: Racial Diversity
Okay, in all the media about prisons, they show a separation between the races... in the lunchroom, in the cells, everywhere. Well, at least at Carswell, women's prisons are slightly different. Here, there is so much racial diversity - and everyone finds that we are living, eating, and "playing" together.
For example, I was just at breakfast and four Latina women sat down with me. I do not know them, but there were four open seats, and they needed seats. That is the ultimate factor in the chow hall - where is there an open seat. This place is so overcrowded, that you could stand with your tray for a while scoping down a table of people who are nearly finished, in order to sit down once they are done. Race does not matter on where we eat in the chow hall. At the same time, friendships/relationships do matter. If people are planning to eat together, they will hold seats or a table to accommodate them all. We all do it at times and it is a generally accepted practice. It is not a practice to keep specific people away, just a practice to ensure there's a seat for your friend(s) or girlfriend.
Speaking of girlfriends, interracial couples occur all the time. Most people who do the dating thing, here, are with people of their same race, but not all. Many people seem to "date" people of racial differences. You will see an African American woman dating a Caucasian woman, a Native American woman dating a Latino woman, etc. In fact, some people "play" the dating game here in a way that they have SEVERAL girlfriends - and they are of all different racial backgrounds. Friendships are of the same variety. While most people tend to hang out with people from similar backgrounds, those backgrounds are more about personality than race. Those who "ruled the streets" tend to hang out together. The "white-collar" offenders tend to spend time together. The "drug lords" hang out together. The "junkies" hang out together. The people taking GED courses tend to hang out together. Well, you get the idea.
In our assigned rooms, it is a requirement that every room be racially diverse. For example, my room has one African American woman, a Native American woman, a Caucasian Christian woman, and me. Some rooms have two Caucasian women and two Latina women. It's all different - but no rooms are all of any racial background.
The same is true on outdoor rec teams. For example, the softball teams must be racially diverse or cannot play. Same with the volleyball, soccer, or anything else they have.
There are activities exclusively for specific religions, but anyone can register as that religion. The Native Americans have a weekly "sweat" and smoke traditional tobacco. There are different "services" for different racial groups. Today, there will be a "gospel showcase." The Jews have Tuesday afternoon Torah study, Friday night candle lighting, and special events for holidays. There is similar for Muslims, Catholics, etc.
The one thing that is displayed as majority rules - is any form of Christianity. I had written about how Christmas is huge here, and every unit decks out for the holiday, there are special Christmas treats, and even prayer in the units. I didn't end up posting it, because I didn't like how I wrote it. However, as a member of a minority religion, I am used to Christmas being such a prominent holiday. The holidays are so hard for so many people, at least the strong majority of people here will feel that they have a piece of normalcy during that time of the year.
So, overall, racial background does not really matter, except for one thing... there is racism. I hear slurs out of people's mouths ALL the time. It is overwhelming and horrifying to see people I thought were "cool" use such derogatory terms. There's homophobia at the same level too, which surprises me, given the vast majority of people are at least "gay for the stay." But the racism hits me hard. I've worked most my life helping break down the barriers between racial groups - conducting diversity training, promoting open and safe environments, etc. Here, though, the racism is everywhere and between all groups (just not between all people). I speak up against it when I can - but it is not always safe to do so. Some people are just mean or rude. I am not going to change them - especially in prison. They have built up this hatred on the streets, in their general upbringing, and/or between gang fights. I do my best to avoid these issues. In fact, I am likely more liberal than most people here. This surprised me - I had thought that people who were pushing drugs would likely be liberal, but I'm among predominantly Republicans and people who enjoy Fox news. I'm a CNN watcher. Sometimes, we get into interesting conversations, mostly people just don't talk politics.
So, as a Caucasian, 40-something, Jewish, liberal woman, I fit right in among the vast diversity of this place.
For example, I was just at breakfast and four Latina women sat down with me. I do not know them, but there were four open seats, and they needed seats. That is the ultimate factor in the chow hall - where is there an open seat. This place is so overcrowded, that you could stand with your tray for a while scoping down a table of people who are nearly finished, in order to sit down once they are done. Race does not matter on where we eat in the chow hall. At the same time, friendships/relationships do matter. If people are planning to eat together, they will hold seats or a table to accommodate them all. We all do it at times and it is a generally accepted practice. It is not a practice to keep specific people away, just a practice to ensure there's a seat for your friend(s) or girlfriend.
Speaking of girlfriends, interracial couples occur all the time. Most people who do the dating thing, here, are with people of their same race, but not all. Many people seem to "date" people of racial differences. You will see an African American woman dating a Caucasian woman, a Native American woman dating a Latino woman, etc. In fact, some people "play" the dating game here in a way that they have SEVERAL girlfriends - and they are of all different racial backgrounds. Friendships are of the same variety. While most people tend to hang out with people from similar backgrounds, those backgrounds are more about personality than race. Those who "ruled the streets" tend to hang out together. The "white-collar" offenders tend to spend time together. The "drug lords" hang out together. The "junkies" hang out together. The people taking GED courses tend to hang out together. Well, you get the idea.
In our assigned rooms, it is a requirement that every room be racially diverse. For example, my room has one African American woman, a Native American woman, a Caucasian Christian woman, and me. Some rooms have two Caucasian women and two Latina women. It's all different - but no rooms are all of any racial background.
The same is true on outdoor rec teams. For example, the softball teams must be racially diverse or cannot play. Same with the volleyball, soccer, or anything else they have.
There are activities exclusively for specific religions, but anyone can register as that religion. The Native Americans have a weekly "sweat" and smoke traditional tobacco. There are different "services" for different racial groups. Today, there will be a "gospel showcase." The Jews have Tuesday afternoon Torah study, Friday night candle lighting, and special events for holidays. There is similar for Muslims, Catholics, etc.
The one thing that is displayed as majority rules - is any form of Christianity. I had written about how Christmas is huge here, and every unit decks out for the holiday, there are special Christmas treats, and even prayer in the units. I didn't end up posting it, because I didn't like how I wrote it. However, as a member of a minority religion, I am used to Christmas being such a prominent holiday. The holidays are so hard for so many people, at least the strong majority of people here will feel that they have a piece of normalcy during that time of the year.
So, overall, racial background does not really matter, except for one thing... there is racism. I hear slurs out of people's mouths ALL the time. It is overwhelming and horrifying to see people I thought were "cool" use such derogatory terms. There's homophobia at the same level too, which surprises me, given the vast majority of people are at least "gay for the stay." But the racism hits me hard. I've worked most my life helping break down the barriers between racial groups - conducting diversity training, promoting open and safe environments, etc. Here, though, the racism is everywhere and between all groups (just not between all people). I speak up against it when I can - but it is not always safe to do so. Some people are just mean or rude. I am not going to change them - especially in prison. They have built up this hatred on the streets, in their general upbringing, and/or between gang fights. I do my best to avoid these issues. In fact, I am likely more liberal than most people here. This surprised me - I had thought that people who were pushing drugs would likely be liberal, but I'm among predominantly Republicans and people who enjoy Fox news. I'm a CNN watcher. Sometimes, we get into interesting conversations, mostly people just don't talk politics.
So, as a Caucasian, 40-something, Jewish, liberal woman, I fit right in among the vast diversity of this place.
From Dragonfly: Indian Summer
I'm not sure where the term "Indian Summer" comes from and I sure hope it is not derogatory... so many things are and we just don't know... for example, did you know that, "rule of thumb," comes from an old law where husbands could not beat their wives with anything thicker than their thumb? Crazy, right?
Anyway, it is an "Indian summer" outside this weekend. We recently had a couple days where our temperature fell into the 30's-50's (yes, very mild), but this weekend, our temps are 80 degrees today and about 87 degrees tomorrow. I walked to my breakfast in shorts. It is mid-November. Okay, I am in the south - in Texas - maybe that shouldn't surprise me - but it does. Global Warming anyone?
With it so warm, most inmates will be outdoors today, catching some rays, kicking a hackey sack, playing a game of softball, walking the outdoor track, and/or just sitting on the benches talking. If I choose to go out today, it will be to join Freckles out by Outdoor Rec and sit at a picnic table and do a crossword. Nerd? Why, yes I am. When people see we are doing a crossword, they (for the most part) keep their distance. Ha. Speaking of nerds, Cache sent me a great package of "stuff" that I received yesterday. In it was the full printout of the musical "Rent" - one of my faves. When reading it, I can almost hear the voices of the stage productions I have seen. She also sent me fun jokes - a lot of nerdy, academic jokes. I laugh out loud. My roommates ask what is funny. They understand some of the jokes, but not all of them. I especially loved a picture on a Speed Limit sign that said something like 2(x+4)=108. Oh, such fun. (Need the answer? See end!).
Okay, how will I likely spend my weekend? Well, with everyone outdoors, I will happily be indoors, enjoying finishing some crochet projects (I've gotten much faster) and also enjoying the quiet. Usually, due to my work, I am only in my unit at night. During that time, people "claim" one of the 10 available tables. I always find one, but it is usually crowded and tough to come by. Last night, I heard several people talking - while we were still in our rooms for count - about how all the tables were already "spoken for." No one can "claim" a table, yet they RUN out of their rooms once count clears and grab 5 chairs and hold their chosen table. It's crazy stuff! I mean, we all have equal right to a seat at a table, but those of us who live further away from the location of the tables and/or are unable to run, can't get one. I know, this is stupid stuff to be complaining about, but everything is like this - laundry, tables, tv's, etc. People feel entitled and those of us wanting to avoid a fight or a trip to the SHU, just accept it. We are walked all over. And those who don't give a damn, they get anything they want --- until one day when the C.O. has had enough, and they are written up for something or another. It's like living in a house with all older siblings who ensure they get what they want and don't care what the younger sibling needs/wants. Except, there are hundreds of older siblings to deal with.
When I do sit at an empty table, I can't say that what happens is any better than any other table (although, I don't grab more chairs than I need). Why? Well, just like on the school yard, certain people tend to congregate together. There's a group of us that tend to sit at the same table, work on various craft projects, talk, share snacks/meals, and do our daily complaints about the state of our lives. You've heard about some of them - Danbury, South, Star, Nurse... but there's more, many more. Usually the people sit not just at the table, but one row beyond the table, because the table is full. Most of us are newer to the institution (although, some have been here a long time). Most of us are here for "white collar" crimes - although there are others (arms dealing, drug manufacturing, counterfeiting money, etc.). Sometimes, I can't believe I'm sitting next to someone who got caught with 9 kilos of coke or in their home manufacturing meth. Certainly a life I never anticipated. Here, we are all the same - we all wear Khaki weekdays and grey on weekends. Bad choices, addiction, and life circumstances got us here. I judge no one's crime. I just pray the people find a different path after incarceration. Nearly 70% of felons will find themselves back in prison... the number decreases substantially for those who participate in education programs or apprenticeships.
Anyway, my computer time is running low. I am going to go outside and walk slowly back to my unit. I'm going to enjoy a bit of Indian Summer. I'm going to clean my room (my turn!), and then I will grab a table in the atrium until 10am count. I'll be right back in that Atrium when count clears - perhaps all day - until 4pm count. After dinner, you'll find me there again... perhaps with a finished crochet project, making some friendship bracelets, or just sitting with my peers. That's a Saturday in Carswell.
(The answer to the nerd joke: Step 1 - write out equation: 2(x+4)=108 Step 2 - factor: 2x+8=108 Step 3 - subtract both sides by 8: 2x+8-8=108-8 Step 4 - divide both sides by 2:2x/2=100/2 Final Answer: x=50 --- that's the speed limit - 50 :-))
Anyway, it is an "Indian summer" outside this weekend. We recently had a couple days where our temperature fell into the 30's-50's (yes, very mild), but this weekend, our temps are 80 degrees today and about 87 degrees tomorrow. I walked to my breakfast in shorts. It is mid-November. Okay, I am in the south - in Texas - maybe that shouldn't surprise me - but it does. Global Warming anyone?
With it so warm, most inmates will be outdoors today, catching some rays, kicking a hackey sack, playing a game of softball, walking the outdoor track, and/or just sitting on the benches talking. If I choose to go out today, it will be to join Freckles out by Outdoor Rec and sit at a picnic table and do a crossword. Nerd? Why, yes I am. When people see we are doing a crossword, they (for the most part) keep their distance. Ha. Speaking of nerds, Cache sent me a great package of "stuff" that I received yesterday. In it was the full printout of the musical "Rent" - one of my faves. When reading it, I can almost hear the voices of the stage productions I have seen. She also sent me fun jokes - a lot of nerdy, academic jokes. I laugh out loud. My roommates ask what is funny. They understand some of the jokes, but not all of them. I especially loved a picture on a Speed Limit sign that said something like 2(x+4)=108. Oh, such fun. (Need the answer? See end!).
Okay, how will I likely spend my weekend? Well, with everyone outdoors, I will happily be indoors, enjoying finishing some crochet projects (I've gotten much faster) and also enjoying the quiet. Usually, due to my work, I am only in my unit at night. During that time, people "claim" one of the 10 available tables. I always find one, but it is usually crowded and tough to come by. Last night, I heard several people talking - while we were still in our rooms for count - about how all the tables were already "spoken for." No one can "claim" a table, yet they RUN out of their rooms once count clears and grab 5 chairs and hold their chosen table. It's crazy stuff! I mean, we all have equal right to a seat at a table, but those of us who live further away from the location of the tables and/or are unable to run, can't get one. I know, this is stupid stuff to be complaining about, but everything is like this - laundry, tables, tv's, etc. People feel entitled and those of us wanting to avoid a fight or a trip to the SHU, just accept it. We are walked all over. And those who don't give a damn, they get anything they want --- until one day when the C.O. has had enough, and they are written up for something or another. It's like living in a house with all older siblings who ensure they get what they want and don't care what the younger sibling needs/wants. Except, there are hundreds of older siblings to deal with.
When I do sit at an empty table, I can't say that what happens is any better than any other table (although, I don't grab more chairs than I need). Why? Well, just like on the school yard, certain people tend to congregate together. There's a group of us that tend to sit at the same table, work on various craft projects, talk, share snacks/meals, and do our daily complaints about the state of our lives. You've heard about some of them - Danbury, South, Star, Nurse... but there's more, many more. Usually the people sit not just at the table, but one row beyond the table, because the table is full. Most of us are newer to the institution (although, some have been here a long time). Most of us are here for "white collar" crimes - although there are others (arms dealing, drug manufacturing, counterfeiting money, etc.). Sometimes, I can't believe I'm sitting next to someone who got caught with 9 kilos of coke or in their home manufacturing meth. Certainly a life I never anticipated. Here, we are all the same - we all wear Khaki weekdays and grey on weekends. Bad choices, addiction, and life circumstances got us here. I judge no one's crime. I just pray the people find a different path after incarceration. Nearly 70% of felons will find themselves back in prison... the number decreases substantially for those who participate in education programs or apprenticeships.
Anyway, my computer time is running low. I am going to go outside and walk slowly back to my unit. I'm going to enjoy a bit of Indian Summer. I'm going to clean my room (my turn!), and then I will grab a table in the atrium until 10am count. I'll be right back in that Atrium when count clears - perhaps all day - until 4pm count. After dinner, you'll find me there again... perhaps with a finished crochet project, making some friendship bracelets, or just sitting with my peers. That's a Saturday in Carswell.
(The answer to the nerd joke: Step 1 - write out equation: 2(x+4)=108 Step 2 - factor: 2x+8=108 Step 3 - subtract both sides by 8: 2x+8-8=108-8 Step 4 - divide both sides by 2:2x/2=100/2 Final Answer: x=50 --- that's the speed limit - 50 :-))
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