There's a lot of people who feel they are entitled here in prison. There are the women who think they OWN the table they always sit at. The women who are entitled to the one TV room. The women who can do anything against the rules and not get in trouble (believing they have the C.O.'s in their pocket). Entitlements are everywhere.
One area of entitlement I've come into trouble with is the laundry room. We all have our set times for washing and drying. Being so overcrowded, the laundry times start at 4:45am and end at 2am the next day. These washers and dryers are constantly running. There are some women in the unit who believe that an empty washer or dryer is automatically theirs. Every Wednesday night, at my laundry time, I face the same issues. One woman believes that she can use 2 of our 3 dryers at the same time. Why? Because she is making money doing other's laundry and overloads the washer with more than a single load. What happens is that when I am ready to move my laundry into the dryer at my time, the assigned dryer is being used. I've explained to her every week, that I have the dryer at 9:15pm, but she makes excuses that she cannot understand me and fights with me at the top of her lungs. She argues that the dryer is taking extra time or that she has permission to use a second dryer. Neither of these is true. For two weeks in a row, the C.O. has stepped in and told this woman that she must release my dryer. Talk about a red 'X' on my back. The laundry room is next to the C.O. office and he can hear her screaming. Doesn't change anything, though, because the following week, she does the same thing all over again. Last night, in order to allow the person washing to get their clothes into the washer on time, I had to stand, with all my wet clothing in my arms, for more than 5 minutes because my dryer was not available at my scheduled time. It was another inmate who finally stepped in, and then the C.O. I do my best to not fight with anyone. It's a direction I certainly don't want to go while in prison. But, every Wed., my anger increases. It may seem like such a stupid little thing, laundry time. But, if for some reason I can't get in the dryer on time, then my dryer time will be shortened (and we cannot hang our clothing to dry) and/or I will be forced to stay up til midnight to finish my laundry (which is hard with a 5:40am wake up). I am not the only person with this issue. These women are in the laundry room, claiming the irons, and making everyone else's life difficult seven days/week. It's their hustle - doing other's laundry - and they are not going to give in.
Another area of entitlement is that darn TV room. It is the only TV (except the news/sports TV) where inmates can listen without headphones. It has a door, and about 20 people can fit in the room (tightly). For the first three weeks of the new season of shows, about 12 of us crammed into that room on Thursday nights to watch CBS - "Big Bang Theory," "The Crazy Ones," etc. How we sign up for the TV is on Sunday nights, based on our badge number. One Sunday even numbers sign up first and the next week it is odd numbers. Since there were 12 of us watching, we were able to have someone get the room in Thursday nights. However, there was a group of women who claim that room for themselves. They are in the room day and night and were very angry that we were signing up for the room on Thursday nights. So, they took action. They gave all their badge numbers to one woman (who is responsible for the sign-up sheets) and she signs them up for every night BEFORE sign-up. One night, someone with our group was signing up for the TV and third in line... well, when she got to the front, all 7 nights was already signed up for... Since she was 3rd in line, we absolutely knew what was happening.
Here's the issue, though. If we say something to the C.O.'s, everyone will suffer. All the TVs will become off limits. That's how things work here. The bad acts of a few will result in punishment of the whole. So, for the last three weeks, we have allowed these individuals to be "entitled" to their TV room. We do not get to watch our shows. Mind you, the same thing they watch in the TV room (The Voice or X Factor), is also playing in the Atrium. We just accept this entitlement. That's how things go here. If you do not want to fight over STUPID issues, you just let them slide. Then, you find yourself just accepting the way things are. There are those in power, even among the inmates, and those without power (those of us trying to avoid losing good time or going to the SHU). This is just daily life in Carswell...
I found myself stuck with an entitlement yesterday. In the middle of my afternoon class teaching, the teaching staff came into my classroom and informed the students that since our teacher is not here (she's been gone over a month), they are dismantling the classes and moving all the students to other classrooms. Another teacher had been supervising me, but that was supposed to be only temporary. I sat in my chair, at my desk, stunned. I knew the students were doing well (in fact, many tested yesterday on a status check called a "TABE" and they are all moving up one step closer to taking the GED). Two students learned they passed the GED this week. Two more students are waiting for their GED scores. I'm so proud of the work we've been doing.
The teacher announced that I will be moving to his classroom as a third tutor. This was the first I've heard of this. I am being moved from a classroom where I was head tutor, responsible for curriculum, teaching, grading, and working directly with the teaching staff, to a third tutor, which means for now (at least) I will not be teaching. They made sure I knew that this was not a reflection on my work, as they know the students have been learning. It is just that they are not allowed to have a classroom without a staff teacher assigned. I knew this could occur, but I did not realize there would not be another teaching tutor position immediately available. In the new classroom I will have no desk, no curriculum planning, and I will just be more of a grader/gopher (they will ask me to do what they want around tutoring and I will do it). Sometimes, these extra tutors are asked to do more manual labor. It didn't really hit me until I was back at my unit, how unbelievably sad I am.
I've found 7 hours/day of time where I feel useful and almost forget I am in prison. My students and I were getting along well, had found a rhythm with the curriculum, and were making things work (even without a staff teacher). It was the time of every day that I was not stressed out. Working as a tutor has been the highlight of my days here. With this change, I am just sad and mad that I am losing this one thing I love. The head tutor in the classroom I am moving to, has 7 more years here. She is not going anywhere. So, grading papers it will be for me.
These feelings I had, were my entitlements. In a way, by being a teaching tutor, I actually was happy. I believed I could keep this position as long as I did a good job. However, I am just an inmate. I need to keep reminding myself that. As an inmate, my life can change here without notice. This change to my job is exactly what happens to other inmates every day. The anger I felt at the change was, likely, more about the fact that I have no rights, than the necessary change they were doing for the students in the classroom without a supervising teacher. I am not in prison to work. I am here to do my time and get home. I said the serenity prayer a lot last night. I did not sleep well. But, today, I am at acceptance. There is no where else healthy that my mind can be at while I am in this place.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
From Dragonfly: Making 100
I've mentioned before that we have inspection weekly in our unit. Every unit does. It is done by someone who works in psychology (from what I've been told). Not sure the connection. Anyway, we never know what weekday we will be inspected. And, while formal inspection can happen any day, we have an informal inspection by our C.O. every day. So, here's what we need to do to prepare for inspection:
1) Every bed MUST be made properly. This means that our covers are tucked under the mattress smoothly on all 4 sides. Any sheets/blankets not already on the bed, must be perfectly folded and piled at the end of the bed.
2) Shoes not being worn, must be under the bed and against the back wall. One laundry bag per inmate can also be under the bed and out of site.
3) Our lockers must be closed and locked.
4) There are hooks/string outside the lockers. We can have the following hanging using separate hangers on the hooks/string: One fully pressed uniform, one towel, a winter coat. That is all. Everything else we own, MUST be inside our locked locker.
5) Our unit must be dusted; this includes windows, the bars on our windows, top of lockers, top of personalized picture boards, the built in table and stool, and our bunk beds.
6) Our floor must be swept and mopped.
7) Our trash can must be emptied, cleaned out, and turned upside down.
From 7:30am-3:30pm Mondays-Fridays and from 9:30am-3:30pm Saturdays-Sundays, our rooms MUST be in this cleaned shape. If we were to lie on our bed, we must lie on top of our fully made bed. Those are the rules. Every person in the room must help with the cleaning. My days are Saturday and Sunday, because I am the only one in the room with a M-F job outside the room (they are all usually still asleep when I leave for the day). We all make our own beds and lock our lockers.
The formal inspection starts with a score of 100. If something is found wrong in any room they check (random checks), the score is lower. For the last 3 weeks, we have had a perfect 100, but prior to that, we were usually down around 95 or 96 (not good!). In addition to searching the rooms, formal inspection looks at the bathrooms, laundry room, atrium, TV rooms, etc. Nothing is off limits in the unit. For these reasons, many people work as "orderlies" in the unit. They are the people who sweep and mop the common areas, clean off all our tables, wash all our showers and toilet areas, clean the laundry rooms, empty large trash cans, and ensure all public space is clean. Two of my roommates, Army and Braids, work as orderlies. They usually have to clean their area 2x/day, as well as whenever we know that the inspector is on their way.
Our daytime C.O. stresses our cleanliness a lot. For that reason, she does a daily check of our space. If anything is out of place, she will choose to do a "locker check" as well (where she unlocks our locked locker and goes through it looking for contraband). This is a very scary thought for many inmates. They may have food they didn't purchase, craft projects without permission, food from the kitchen, weapons (hopefully not), too many books (yes, we are limited), too many shorts/tshirts (we are limited there as well), etc. If she finds something we are not supposed to have, she confiscates them. If we can't prove we are supposed to have the item(s), they are gone forever. Therefore, a good inspection is important every day.
Our C.O. seems to be having difficulties with the inspector this week. For that reason, the inspector has said that he will come EVERY DAY for formal inspection. So far, he's checked it out twice. This is stressful on everyone in the unit. Our weekly score is important - it decides our order for the following week's meals, and, therefore, access to all other places on campus. Being able to eat early in the rotation can mean a difference of 1 1/2 to 2 hours some nights. Until released for our meal, we are locked in our units. Not sure if a daily inspection will yield a 100 for the 4th week in a row, but I can say that the stress of the daily clean seems to be on everyone these days!
1) Every bed MUST be made properly. This means that our covers are tucked under the mattress smoothly on all 4 sides. Any sheets/blankets not already on the bed, must be perfectly folded and piled at the end of the bed.
2) Shoes not being worn, must be under the bed and against the back wall. One laundry bag per inmate can also be under the bed and out of site.
3) Our lockers must be closed and locked.
4) There are hooks/string outside the lockers. We can have the following hanging using separate hangers on the hooks/string: One fully pressed uniform, one towel, a winter coat. That is all. Everything else we own, MUST be inside our locked locker.
5) Our unit must be dusted; this includes windows, the bars on our windows, top of lockers, top of personalized picture boards, the built in table and stool, and our bunk beds.
6) Our floor must be swept and mopped.
7) Our trash can must be emptied, cleaned out, and turned upside down.
From 7:30am-3:30pm Mondays-Fridays and from 9:30am-3:30pm Saturdays-Sundays, our rooms MUST be in this cleaned shape. If we were to lie on our bed, we must lie on top of our fully made bed. Those are the rules. Every person in the room must help with the cleaning. My days are Saturday and Sunday, because I am the only one in the room with a M-F job outside the room (they are all usually still asleep when I leave for the day). We all make our own beds and lock our lockers.
The formal inspection starts with a score of 100. If something is found wrong in any room they check (random checks), the score is lower. For the last 3 weeks, we have had a perfect 100, but prior to that, we were usually down around 95 or 96 (not good!). In addition to searching the rooms, formal inspection looks at the bathrooms, laundry room, atrium, TV rooms, etc. Nothing is off limits in the unit. For these reasons, many people work as "orderlies" in the unit. They are the people who sweep and mop the common areas, clean off all our tables, wash all our showers and toilet areas, clean the laundry rooms, empty large trash cans, and ensure all public space is clean. Two of my roommates, Army and Braids, work as orderlies. They usually have to clean their area 2x/day, as well as whenever we know that the inspector is on their way.
Our daytime C.O. stresses our cleanliness a lot. For that reason, she does a daily check of our space. If anything is out of place, she will choose to do a "locker check" as well (where she unlocks our locked locker and goes through it looking for contraband). This is a very scary thought for many inmates. They may have food they didn't purchase, craft projects without permission, food from the kitchen, weapons (hopefully not), too many books (yes, we are limited), too many shorts/tshirts (we are limited there as well), etc. If she finds something we are not supposed to have, she confiscates them. If we can't prove we are supposed to have the item(s), they are gone forever. Therefore, a good inspection is important every day.
Our C.O. seems to be having difficulties with the inspector this week. For that reason, the inspector has said that he will come EVERY DAY for formal inspection. So far, he's checked it out twice. This is stressful on everyone in the unit. Our weekly score is important - it decides our order for the following week's meals, and, therefore, access to all other places on campus. Being able to eat early in the rotation can mean a difference of 1 1/2 to 2 hours some nights. Until released for our meal, we are locked in our units. Not sure if a daily inspection will yield a 100 for the 4th week in a row, but I can say that the stress of the daily clean seems to be on everyone these days!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
From Dragonfly: The Great Outdoors
I've had several people ask me about what happens on the outside of the prison buildings. We are based on a compound with a good amount of outdoor space. There is a ball field, soccer field, sand volleyball, horse shoes, half basketball court, walking track (concrete), many benches, and more. We have a building called "outdoor rec," where inmates can borrow sports equipment in exchange for their i.d. There are softball teams that are playing each other right now. I think that ends in a week or so. I guess they do summer volleyball (if there is enough interest). There are tournaments, walks for cancer, outdoor karaoke days, and more. However, these events are very rare. I've seen one each since my arrival. Any time there is not a requirement to be in our housing units, inmates are outside doing something. There are many benches set up by the housing units, where inmates just sit and talk and/or wait for "open move" so they can go in to their unit. There's a covered area of benches and tables, in case it is raining as well.
It sounds nice, right? Well, each area of the outdoors is controlled by a group (for the most part). You don't want to wander, accidentally, into space that is not yours. Inmates believe they are "entitled" to own a table or a bench. It can get really old fast, if you don't intend to fight. So, unless I am sitting on a bench or the edge of the grass waiting for open move, I don't spend a lot of time outdoors.
I do walk between the buildings and enjoy the fresh air throughout the day. I, also, will meet up with Freckles at times by outdoor rec (now that she has moved out of the housing unit). We will sit on a bench by the walking track and talk or last weekend, I brought a crossword book and we did a crossword together. WE are nerds and proud of it! Ha.
Also, the weather was way to hot and sunny my first months here for me to be outside. A lot of sun is bad with the medication I am on. Also, the humidity was crazy with 90+ degree weather every day. Now, I'll sit on a bench outside between lunch and work (about 20 minutes) and enjoy a 60-something or 70-something degree day. Much more my style. Even my hair is less wavy now that the humidity has lessened.
There is always trouble brewing outside... people getting caught having sex, fights and more fights, dealing pills, smoking (not allowed), etc. I really do not want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time!! This is why I spend most of my down time in my unit. I can easily go to my room if something is brewing (3 fights in our unit just yesterday), and I can work on crafts, talk with people, make a meal, or watch TV at the atrium tables. It feels safer and I am not 100% on guard. That is more my style.
It sounds nice, right? Well, each area of the outdoors is controlled by a group (for the most part). You don't want to wander, accidentally, into space that is not yours. Inmates believe they are "entitled" to own a table or a bench. It can get really old fast, if you don't intend to fight. So, unless I am sitting on a bench or the edge of the grass waiting for open move, I don't spend a lot of time outdoors.
I do walk between the buildings and enjoy the fresh air throughout the day. I, also, will meet up with Freckles at times by outdoor rec (now that she has moved out of the housing unit). We will sit on a bench by the walking track and talk or last weekend, I brought a crossword book and we did a crossword together. WE are nerds and proud of it! Ha.
Also, the weather was way to hot and sunny my first months here for me to be outside. A lot of sun is bad with the medication I am on. Also, the humidity was crazy with 90+ degree weather every day. Now, I'll sit on a bench outside between lunch and work (about 20 minutes) and enjoy a 60-something or 70-something degree day. Much more my style. Even my hair is less wavy now that the humidity has lessened.
There is always trouble brewing outside... people getting caught having sex, fights and more fights, dealing pills, smoking (not allowed), etc. I really do not want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time!! This is why I spend most of my down time in my unit. I can easily go to my room if something is brewing (3 fights in our unit just yesterday), and I can work on crafts, talk with people, make a meal, or watch TV at the atrium tables. It feels safer and I am not 100% on guard. That is more my style.
Monday, October 21, 2013
From Dragonfly: Making Bracelets
I'm a hustler. I've never been a hustler, but it appears I am one. The other day I was making some "friendship style" bracelets out of embroidery string. It is a "talent" I've had due to my camp days. I make them in two styles. I decided to make some for Star's daughters. I was bored. Other people saw me doing it and asked, "how much do you charge?" Ummm, nothing. That makes a bad hustler, but it's against the rules to sell items for commissary here. It doesn't stop anyone, though. It's how many people here get goods from commissary. For example, a painted mug may cost a jar of peanut butter, a package of cookies, some tuna, and a ranch dressing. A Christmas stocking (more expensive) may cost a 6-pack of soda, chips, taco meat, mozzarella style cheese, and a raine of yarn. All these exchanges for goods are against the rules, but people do them to survive. My bracelets are popular, and I need to purchase embroidery string to make them, so they cost me money to make. It takes about 45 minutes to make a decent one, so time is involved as well. My roommate told me to charge $3 for 1 or 2 for $5. I sat on it for a day, but couldn't do it. I currently have 3 orders for bracelets, totalling 7 bracelets. They want different colors. One wants a different tying technique I've not used, but must learn. I put my crochet down to start making these (it hurts my hand way less), but I want to finish the project I've been working on there. So, I'm not sure I'll be in the business of making bracelets very long. Plus, anyone can learn to do them the same way, so competition will come (which is more than fine with me). They will likely charge the $3 per bracelet and be paid in a lot of commissary goods. That's surviving in prison.
I never thought I would have ever been part of the underground market. As you know, I've said that I will not engage in that market at all. Within weeks here, though, one realizes that they must, unfortunately, engage in activities (like food trades) they never imagined they'd do. People sneak butter out of the dining hall because they need it for their recipe, and there's no way to purchase it. People ask others to make cards for them to send to loved ones, because the lined paper and basic envelopes lack fun. People ask others to do their hair, to do their homework (unfortunately), and to do their laundry. There are even people here who get goods for making other people's beds. They bring in no money, or such little money, that they must hustle to survive. How else could they afford their deodorant or shampoo? The stuff the prison gives us is horrible. Everyone needs something and people are willing to make it or do it, to survive here as comfortably as possible. I can't say that I've never engaged on this market. There have been moments when I've needed something, or someone else has, and a choice is made. I hate that it is not possible to just get butter or not to have to choose between a meal and doing one's own laundry. But, such is reality in prison. Sometimes, the hustlers win out. It just is what it is.
I never thought I would have ever been part of the underground market. As you know, I've said that I will not engage in that market at all. Within weeks here, though, one realizes that they must, unfortunately, engage in activities (like food trades) they never imagined they'd do. People sneak butter out of the dining hall because they need it for their recipe, and there's no way to purchase it. People ask others to make cards for them to send to loved ones, because the lined paper and basic envelopes lack fun. People ask others to do their hair, to do their homework (unfortunately), and to do their laundry. There are even people here who get goods for making other people's beds. They bring in no money, or such little money, that they must hustle to survive. How else could they afford their deodorant or shampoo? The stuff the prison gives us is horrible. Everyone needs something and people are willing to make it or do it, to survive here as comfortably as possible. I can't say that I've never engaged on this market. There have been moments when I've needed something, or someone else has, and a choice is made. I hate that it is not possible to just get butter or not to have to choose between a meal and doing one's own laundry. But, such is reality in prison. Sometimes, the hustlers win out. It just is what it is.
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