Why my judge said I can't complete my doctoral program, why she iswrong, and why I do not have to listen to her

It sounds a little uppity, my saying that I know more than my judge or that I do not have to listen to her. Truth is, we cannot change our sentence, especially if we accepted a plea. Part of a federal plea is to know that we cannot be absolutely promised a specific sentence and that we cannot appeal the sentence we receive. Our only appeal rights are for insufficient counsel (very hard to prove unless your counsel happened to miss your court date or slept through your hearing) or if the judge went beyond their scope. In the case of my sentencing hearing, neither specifically occurred, although it appeared the latter had.

I mentioned prior that we had not prepared for the sentence I received. Even more so, we all believed - my lawyer, probation and even prosecutor, that my being back in school doing well and working on my doctorate degree in education was a mitigating factor in my favor. All the sentencing briefs stated as much.

The judge, however, prior to even giving the sentence in my case made it clear her opinion on the matter stating something close to, "I believe you need to consider a new path. The education path you are on is not going to lead to a job and it is INCONCEIVABLE that you will get hired as a faculty member in education with a felony at any public or private non-profit institution..." She then put a restriction on my post imprisonment supervision on my having credit or loans (including school loans). I explained that I will be eligible for a loan forgiveness program sponsored by the us government after ten years of working as a faculty member, but again she emphasized that I am kidding myself to think I could gain employment in that sector.

It was one thing to be going to prison and have to stop out of school and work, but her insisting that I must drop out of school was devastating to me. I've been back in school for two years. I have worked very hard, I have earned fellowships, scholarships, and research grants. My goal is to make a difference in how students are able to engage in the classroom. I've been fortunate to travel to Vietnam and South Africa to learn and work with colleagues. Walking away from this new career (that I love) absolutely makes no sense. My addiction and crime caused me to give up my former careers, friends, etc. I could not believe the judge was forcing me to do it again.

That night, after the sentencing, I cried harder than I had in a very long time. Later, with a clearer head, I realized the judge overstepped her role and I needed to read the judgement. If she forbade my education in the judgement, I could appeal. If she did not, then it was up to two people at my institution if I could stay and to answer whether I would ever get a job - the ombudsman and my advisor. I received a copy of my judgement earlier this week, financial restrictions will make it hard for me to stay in school, but the judges comments were not officially part of the sentence. She saved herself from an appeal. On to handling this within my school.

The Ombudsman serves as a confidential, neutral, informal and independent resource for student concerns and conflicts. I actually spoke to the office of the ombudsman at my university immediately after knowing the case against me was moving forward many months ago. I didn't want to hide. I knew the office was confidential and I needed to know my rights and responsibilities. Being a doctoral student gave me more rights than I realized. I had no responsibility to tell anyone anything, as long as I did not lie on my application, which I did not (these charges came nearly 2 years after I applied). In fact, I never had to tell anyone, even if I were to be convicted and going to prison, like I am. I at least agreed with the idea that until I knew what was happening, I had no responsibility to tell anyone.

That all changed last Friday, though, when I realized I would be gone for a full school year and that the judge believed I would need to leave school. I decided the person I needed to tell was my advisor, Dr. P. When you are in a doctoral program, you are assigned to a faculty advisor who kind of mentors you, assists you through your program, helps select your courses, ensures you stay on track, and if you stay with them, heads your dissertation committee. I've been wanting to tell Dr. P. and dreading telling Dr. P. for a long time. Dr. P. is a very well known and well respected scholar. Yes, I feared her judgement, her rejection. I feared she would say something similar to what the judge said, only I started fearing that long before the judge ever said it. But after the sentencing I knew my education fate was essentially in Dr. P.'s hands. If she wanted me out, I'd be out, if she were willing to fight for me, I may be allowed to stay. Our minds play wicked games on us. We always fear the worst things happening. Scenarios, even when bad things do happen, rarely turn our as bad as our minds think they will go.

Anyway, I had to wait until today to meet with Dr. P. I asked her last Sunday for a nontraditional meeting, outside her office and not confined to a short time. Neither of these things have I ever asked for and she accommodated both, but she knew I was not coming with good news. We met in a private conference room where no one would bump into us after, so if I were in tears, I could just leave without explaining myself.

I prepared many thoughts/questions in advance. I did not know what she would say, so I was prepared for most scenarios. Typical, I wasn't prepared for what really happened. Not only did she understand and support me and tell me that I'm "stuck" with her. She told me that she understands addiction from people in her life, that she is sorry this is happening to me, and that without a doubt I will not be kicked out of my university or my program. Even more, without my even asking, she wants me to do an independent study while incarcerated and do some reading toward my dissertation and also journaling around my observations of higher education for women prisoners.

When I told her about what the judge said, she said that she would like to, "smack the judge on the head" (in a nice kind of way of course) and that the judge absolutely does not understand our careers, how we get hired, or my employability. Dr. P. emphasized that the judge was absolutely wrong. In my line of work, if a background check is done at all, it's after hire, and as long as I am honest, it will not keep me from being hired. She also said that with my story, my background, skills, and areas of specialty, I will be very hire-able within the sector and she is not worried. She is willing to tell that to probation if she has to. Dr. P. feels that no one else needs to know the exact reason I'll be gone and I'm comfortable with that. We will tell folks that I am taking a leave of absence for personal reasons. It is not a lie. Once again, it is the difference between discretion and deception and discretion makes sense.

So, that's why the judge said I had to quit school, why she's wrong, and why I do not have to listen to her!