And She Won't Respond

I guess I could say I have been pretty lucky. Since my charges, arraignment, and sentencing, I've had some of the most incredible support. I have had the benefit of five wonderful years of recovery to mend relationships and build new friendships.

My immediate family and close friends all knew about my legal issues from the beginning. I did not feel it was right for anyone to trust me if I did not trust them. Amazingly, they all supported me. Many asked questions. Many prayed that things would turn out differently than they did. Their support was there, always. I was honored to have 37 letters of support, each one making me cry, attached to my attorney's sentencing recommendation. If I had asked for more, perhaps I could have gotten more. That is amazing to me. Five years ago, I would have been hard pressed to get five letters, because I told no one anything about my struggles with addiction which made the truth coming out too much of a shock and my friends all walked away from me. 

I have a "difficult" relationship with my immediate family. Perhaps I will blog a bit more about that at a later time. When everything hit the fan 5 years ago with my addiction and the possibility of legal charges, my mom and stepdad asked me not to tell my step-siblings. Being an adult, I don't know why I just follow their wishes without thinking through the consequences, but I agreed. Now that I am going to prison, and I will not be able to be around to help out my folks, my aging grandparents, etc., I realized all of my step-siblings had to know. What if their grandfather (who is 95) passed away and I wasn't there? Would my folks just tell lies on where I am? And, I have a step-brother and his family in Dallas, less than an hour from where I will be. Maybe his wife, Jen, who I've always gotten along with fabulously will visit. Since everyone in my life is 1,000 miles away, this was a possibility of a visitor.

So, I reached out to Jen. Jen and my step-brother called my folks, but never responded to me. In three weeks, they have ignored my texts and emails as well. Jen is the one person I never thought would do that. The only family I have near the prison. I will give them time. People deserve time. They are the only people from my current life that I've told so far, since my recovery, to turn away from me. 

It is going to happen. This may be the first, but likely will not be the last. People who do not understand. People who come to their own understanding on what happened. We cannot change them. We can only be the best people we can be. I will still call on birthdays and reach out to my niece and nephew. I know I'm not a bad person. 

I always must remember, "other people's people's opinions of me are none of my business."