If I can be an example of staying clean, I can survive the prison scene

The title is actually a take on a great Macklemore song called, "Starting Over," where he raps about his relapse from 3 1/2 years of sobriety. In it he says, "if I can be an example of staying sober, I can be an example of starting over."

My version doesn't work perfectly, because the second clause shouldn't be about my survival, but something I can be an example of by doing my time in prison. I just couldn't make it work perfectly. I can write about it here, though.

Any addiction recovery is hard, it's really hard. Relapse happens often and/or like Macklemore says in his song, they try to stay clean/sober on their own without a program. Inevitably, life does not get better and the old urges become too much too handle. Our brains play tricks on us and choice to say "no" becomes less and less possible. Access to our vice, or to a new vice (switching addictions) occurs, and we have to start at day 1 once again. I've heard these stories so many times. Breaks my heart, but I'm so glad they come back to their programs, ready to do something different, something more, this time.

I have been fortunate each day since May, 2008. Each day I have promised myself that I'm not going to gamble today and each day I have kept that promise. My GA program is a part of my life and I never intend to try to do it on my own, no matter how many years clean I have. I never want to be that person again.

So, what can I be an example of in prison? I can be an example of someone who understands addiction. Understands the urges. Understands the reality that it leads to three realities - prison, insanity, and/or death. Understands crime to feed addiction. Understands withdrawal. Understands when people feel alone because others do not understand or support them. Understands losing everything. 

I also understand and am an example of the hope of recovery. Rebuilding our lives. Second or third or fifth chances. Rebuilding relationships. Finding healthy relationships. Putting recovery first. Not giving up. Refusing to accept dead ends, and just see them as speed bumps. 

If I can be an example of staying clean, I can survive the prison scene! I just have to be myself. Find ways I connect with others and keep to my beliefs.