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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

From Dragonfly: And Sometimes They Return

I met someone last night. She was waring the clothes of a "newbie" and so I introduced myself to her and another "newbie." I asked if they had any questions, and the Newbie was not a Newbie after all, she had broken her supervision. She left a year ago, and the temptation of her drug addiction was too much, she had a dirty UA on the outside. She is now, here, for 18 more months. I did not know her before, I wasn't here yet. I've met many people back in prison, having violated parole. For some, they got involved with another Felon (romantically/sexually), others, it appears drugs win out. I don't necessarily see them actually recommitting a crime, as much as they are right back to their old selves of unhealthy relationships and/or drug addiction. If time in prison is not a time to help them find their way out of these things, then how can we put them back out on the streets to fend for themselves??

As I was talking to this newly returned inmate, I could just see the disgust in her eyes that she is now back here. She is not close to home or family. She is living this nightmare all over again. For some, those institutionalized, it's almost a welcome relief to return to this place - a place where the rules are known and they feel comfortable. For others, it is a reminder of everything that can go wrong in one's life. To have been home, been able to enjoy the freedom of every day, only to find yourself coming back here. I imagine the second time around is actually harder, not easier. Yes, you know what to expect... but, then, you KNOW what to expect. You are stuck in a cycle and you need to ask yourself, how did I get here, again???

When someone walks away from G.A. and goes back out gambling, whether it's been just a couple days or years from their last GA meeting, we always ask the same question, "What will you do different this time?"
Did you not work your steps and/or were you not fully honest with them?
Did you not have a sponsor?
Did you not pick up the phone when urges were starting?
How can we help you find a better way to work the program, so that you don't go back out there? Because, we never, ever, see anyone come back to the rooms and say, 'ha, you were all wrong. I didn't re-devastate myself and my life and my family while gambling. I can control my gambling...' It just doesn't happen. Every person walks in the room more upset with themselves, more in debt, more in self-doubt and self-loathing. I imagine the same is true when someone returns to prison.

So my question is, how will you spend you time in prison differently this time? How will you prepare yourself for life on the outside? There are options, but it is up to you, and you alone, to seek them out. No one tells you HOW to do prison. You can goof off, violate rules, stay in bed all day, or you can work, take classes, earn a degree, do an apprenticeship, take psychology courses, join a drug recovery group, etc. The choice is up to you. You, alone, will have to make similar choices on the outside. I strongly suggest, you start making the healthiest decisions here.

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