From Dragonfly: Fellowship

Right now, as I am preparing to go to lunch on a Saturday afternoon, hundreds of people are at a GA conference in the Midwest. It's a conference I've attended every year since starting Gambler's Anonymous and one that I gain a lot of strength from. The workshops are wonderful, the speakers insightful, but I really, really like the fellowship. There's nothing like being surrounded by so many people who smile when you walk in the room. People who care about what you have to say and celebrate small victories with you. There are also people we meet for their first time, new to GA, not understanding why so many people can be smiling, as their life seems so utterly in a disaster. In time, though, if they keep attending meetings and work their program, they too will be smiling and laughing again. The devastation slowly turns into recovery and the people within our rooms are our new family.

I wish I were at the conference this weekend. There are a lot of people I would love to see. Some of them have written me, others constantly send their prayers. It matters not. They are all my friends, my people, and I miss them a lot. I hear there's a workshop at the conference about compulsive gamblers in prison. I certainly would have had a lot to say during that workshop - the federal prison is far different from the state prison experience. Last year I offered a workshop about facing legal issues from our compulsive gambling. I did not yet know that I would be going to prison, I would learn that a month later, in May, but the possibility was always there. I still gave my declaration of Hope, as I do today. It all is what it is and I will be stronger for the experiences.

While my fellowship is spending time supporting one another and celebrating recovery, I was able to celebrate a little something myself this morning. Since I became sick, just months after my sixth knee surgery, I was never able to really walk down stairs. I would only be able to bend my left leg far enough, so I would step down with my right, and my left would follow, requiring a double step on every step, slowly. Well, I am still slow, but this morning, without having to go super wide because of my lack of bend, and while holding on to the railing tightly, I took the steps down like a healthy person would. I have days where I can do nothing, as I hurt too much, but on those days where I have the energy and am not as sore, I have been working out as best as I am able. Everyday, I walk the track with Lola. Sometimes we can only do one time around, sometimes three. I've been stepping up and down using a wood block - both forwards and backwards - getting my balance and bend. Mostly, I've been working in my room, with one of those red exercise bands, doing strengthening, bending, and getting the best that a resistance band can offer. I'm surprised at the speed of my being able to walk down the stairs. I couldn't carry anything, yet, but at least on my good days, I can keep trying/practicing, and hopefully when I go home, I will be able to take my stairs like a pro. I wish I were at the conference to let my fellowship see the progress, but it's okay that I know about it - and now you do too!

Fellowship is very important. We have fellowship in prison, as well. Only people here, along with us, could understand the experience. For example, Freckles is now trying desperately to jump through those same hoops I did, as she was denied halfway house for no reason and doing RDAP, she is guaranteed halfway house. Even staff look at her record and do not understand why she's been denied the halfway house, but it's the team that does our exit summaries that needs to make the change - our doctor (same doctor as me) and the woman who does the summary. As she is going through all this, I am there, listening to her, providing her any support I can. That's fellowship and we all have our people, here in prison, that do for us what a fellowship on the outside does for us.

I really miss my GA fellowship. I miss my meetings. I miss my people. In some prisons, there is a recovery fellowship, but not here. Only drug addictions are taken seriously. It's sad, but true. So, I will enjoy the small fellowship of friends I have here for now, but I really look forward to my larger fellowship upon my return to civilization! Happy conference day friends!