The Last Night

Okay, I need to admit yet one more thing... going home didn't really hit me. Too many walls up in a place like this. I hoarded things - "what if I'll need this?" I held on to more clothes than needed. I had a bunch of "just in case" thoughts.

It didn't help tonight when I looked at the call-out sheet and I'm not listed for R&D tomorrow morning. None of us are. Someone really failed in their job. We were not on any of the usual "hey, you're leaving" call-outs. I'm only sad about that because across the fence, at the camp, Lola will not see that I'm leaving. The camp and prison share a call-out sheet. That's how I know when Lola and Chi went through camp orientation, that Chi got a job at the power plant, and that Lola is a camp orderly. I can kinda still keep tabs on my friends from afar. I know Lola is looking me up too. She won't know, yet, that I'm leaving.

So, Red, the Third one and I suspect we should be at R&D at 6am. They could come get us earlier or we can stand there for over an hour, no way of knowing. Doesn't matter, we are all leaving here tomorrow - one last line to stand in.

Tonight, I had dinner with Nurse. Others joined us at the table. Nurse made a spice noodle tuna soup concoction - sounds different - but I ate my part all up - YUM! Then, I sat with Mama and other friends and played a couple games of Canasta. A perfect wind-down. I, then, took a shower, for the last time in those prison showers, and got comfy.

People shared contact information with me - parents/spouses names and phone numbers, so I can check up on how they are doing. I shared my info as well. We aren't allowed to communicate, but it doesn't stop us from caring about one another.

I had some good talks with friends - Cali, Taz, Red, Bunkie, and others. They know I care. I know they do. Soon, I pray, it will be them going home. I gave my lock, a highlighter, and anything else I had left to give away to a new woman who has no financial support. She was grateful.

So all that, and I still didn't have a big smile on my face. I still didn't believe I'm leaving. Until... I threw away five pairs of cheap, nameless, tearing at the seams, stretch band coming off, white granny underwear!!! That one act got a huge smile on my face. I'm leaving and I can wear my cute hipsters once again! I am still carrying a couple pair with me, since I didn't get my out clothes, but, soon, those will be tossed as well.

So, what got me to fully realize I'm leaving is getting rid of the tighty whities. Who knew it could be so simple??