Never Get Too Comfortable

I've mentioned before that I've been concerned about the fact that I have not heard back from my PO lately and I need to be making my restitution payments and have some questions. My messages went unanswered, and he doesn't like repeat calls or emails, so it's a sit and wait game. However, I didn't want to violate my supervision either. I knew that this month I must make a payment, but since my case was transferred from one state to this state, I wasn't sure the protocol on where to make payments and last I talked to my PO, neither did he. What a lot of people don't realize, is that restitution is paid to the court clerk where you are sentenced, usually, not to the victims or some other entity. Additionally, all the restitution payments I made while incarcerated are still not showing up on my paperwork as being applied to my overall restitution debt.

This morning, I decided to head over to my PO's office. I guess I can just go there any week day, although I never have been there since my first day of official supervision. I went to drop off two forms. One form was a listing of all the gambler's anonymous meetings I've been to since July 2nd. It actually wasn't all of them, but most of them. It's a technicality that I have to have the form filled out and I attend at least a meeting every week. They have to have proof that I'm serious about my recovery. I am. Included was the G.A. conference I attended a couple weeks ago. He was pleased I went to it. He really doesn't understand how serious about recovery I am.

The second form was my first ever "travel authorization" form. It was for permission to travel to where my family and friends are for the Yom Kippur holiday weekend. It usually takes two weeks to receive approval, but luckily my PO was in, took me into his office for about 45 minutes, and approved me for my first trip out of state on the spot. In October, I will officially be able to take a road trip for a weekend. I'm truly looking forward to it! The fact that I need to go through that process, though, is that reminder - I am still in supervision - possibly for another 2 3/4 years - and my life is not mine to live freely. I have restrictions.

Interestingly, my PO asked me if I've had any "police interaction" recently and I honestly answered, "no." However, Sporty was driving my car last night and was pulled over. She was driving in a turn only lane and went forward, the cop just gave her a warning - this was just last night. Turns out that since it was my vehicle, my name popped up at my PO's office this morning. All was fine, but I guess he would have been forced to check in with me anyway today. I didn't realize that even my vehicle without my being in it made me susceptible to PO questions. It's okay, though, cause I really needed to talk to my PO!

Well, it's really good that I went in, because my PO still didn't have the answers about my restitution payments. That's okay, though, I'm just going to start making the payments to the original court - by check. I hate not being able to make the payment electronically. I like a better paper trail! I've also made the decision to make an initial payment out of the school grant I received. It's technically not income, but my PO never got a response from the court and I don't want to make a wrong move. I'll do whatever it takes to be truly free. I'll be paying on my restitution for a long time, but I want to be off supervision. I just don't want to ever get too comfortable with my life and somehow forget that I need to be doing something or that I have rules to follow and must report in and must pay my restitution on time.

It's actually quite easy to get caught up on normality and almost forget that I can't just jump in my car and drive somewhere or that I can never travel to Canada again or that I have no passport or that I can't just take an Amtrak or buy a plane ticket. My life is monitored. And, it appeared, my car is monitored. I'm at home, comfortably sitting on my couch, writing this blog post, but my life is still under surveillance to a point. I suppose in some ways it will always be - at least until I can actually finish supervision and finish paying off my restitution. Somehow, I will find a day when I am totally free again. Perhaps it won't matter one day. I don't know. I just can't forget that right now, I better keep taking the initiative and check in with my PO from time to time.