A New Sponsee

One of the greatest gifts of being in a recovery program is the opportunity to give back. So many people are there for you when you first walk in the rooms. It then becomes our jobs to be there for those who are new to the rooms later, or who may not be new, but who continue to struggle with this baffling disease. There are many ways to give back in our recovery programs, one of the most important ways is to be a sponsor.

I have been asked to be a sponsor a handful of times over the years. It is a big responsibility and one that no one should take lightly. With so much stuff I've dealt with over the years, it has not always made sense for me to sponsor others, or I've had to tag-team sponsoring someone (for example sharing the duties since I went into FMC Carswell and could not be available to the woman I'd been sponsoring for the year prior).

I'm also a "tough" sponsor. There are all kinds of sponsors in the programs, and I'd put myself on the tough side of things. I believe in the 12 steps and sponsor people who are willing to do the hard work and follow the guidelines of the program. I also believe that change does not happen overnight, so people need to be patient and kind to themselves in the process. However, blaming the rest of the world for all ones problems will likely not get you anywhere.

I guess you could say I haven't had much 'luck' with my sponsees. In fact, other than some good success at working with a couple people through steps 1-5, I have yet to see one of my sponsees make it past two years clean. I don't take that personally, though. Overall, GA has a 3-5% success rate. Yes, that is all. It's really quite sad. Now, people who relapse, often come back, which makes me very happy, but many people struggle in this program. Many people do not fully accept step 1 - they are powerless over gambling. At some point, they go back, experiment with some form of gambling, and it destroys them all over again. It's so horrible to hear their stories. I personally think of my relapses as every time BEFORE I ever walked into a GA room when I would swear to myself that I would never gamble again and then find myself there a day or two later. Nothing could stop me from my addiction - only my recovery (consisting of GA and intensive counseling) helped me stop. I am proud that once I stepped foot in a GA room, and actually since just before the world came crashing down on me in May, 2008, I have not placed a single bet.

Recently, a sponsee of mine had a major gambling relapse and decided that she would not come back to GA. I guess she did not have the guts to let me know, as I learned it through a third party who she knew would let me know. She was working on her 4th step, which we were supposed to go over very soon and we were trying to schedule a financial pressure relief. I am not mad at her. I could never be angry at anyone in GA who relapses. Addiction is so overwhelming and hard for people who are not getting the care they need to overcome it. I knew when I walked in my first GA room that I either needed to quit or my only other option was death. I was that desperate. I think it is harder for people who are not at that level of desperation. Losing a house, their spouse, their job, their savings, whatever, may not be enough. Some people in the GA meetings haven't even gotten that far. They are the lucky ones who admitted they had a problem well before the progression went as far as it could. Staying away from gambling for them, though, I think is harder. I don't know, though, it's just my hypothesis. For those I know that were as desperate as me, we seemed to have less relapses after coming into the program. I hate to think that for most people you have to be that desperate to be successful! At least I do know of some people who never relapsed that never had it as bad as me...

Anyway, I have a new sponsee, and I am excited to start working with her. I am honored that she approached me to be one of her Sponsors. I say "one of" because sometimes people have more than one sponsor in the program and that's okay! She's had a sponsor in the program, but feels like she needs something different. So, we are starting back at step 1 and I gave her the book put out by the International Office of GA. She looked at it with a blank face - not knowing that the International GA office put out books on the steps. I follow the GA way of doing things. This is going to be a different experience for her. I really like who she is too. That's always good when a Sponsor and a Sponsee get along in terms of energy and personalities. I know I have a lot of my plate these days, but none of it would exist without my being in recovery and the GA program. So, when a nice woman asked me to be her Sponsor, I took a brief moment and thought about the time commitment and asked her some questions around expectations, and I said, "yes." This is what being in recovery is all about.