It is Official - I'm Back!!!!

I received an official email this afternoon congratulating me as a new admit as a doctoral student in the criminal justice college at my University. One would think that my earlier admission simply back into the University and into the graduate school would have been the biggest news for me. It probably should have been. However, having spent this past semester and currently, taking courses toward a Master's Degree in Criminal Justice, I've questioned whether I've gone this path because it appeared open to me as I was trying to figure out "what next?" or if I really belonged on this new journey.

I have to admit, I love studying criminal justice. I loved studying education and everything I learned I take with me into the field of criminal justice and will apply to what I do as a Professor and, hopefully, in service to the future University I work with. However, I truly believe I had this experience of imprisonment as a way to help make change in this world. No one should have to experience some of the realities I witnessed while I was locked up. Some were so atrocious, I could not even write about them as I knew the blog was monitored. Of course, I could never name names and will never do so. However, it is not just about Carswell, it is about the inequities in crime and punishment. It is about how we treat non-violent offenders. It is about sentencing guidelines that make no sense with the majority of people who commit the crimes. It's about the fact that a one-year sentence vs. a 10 year sentence has shown no different in effectiveness for deterrence to crime. It is about the fact that the real services that people need in prisons are not being provided. It is about the fact that the healthcare within the prison system is entirely inadequate and at times inhumane. Etc. I cannot fix everything. But, I cannot be silent. The way I have a voice, is through my research, my teaching, and my writing.

So this evening, when I received the email, just a couple sentenced letting me know that I was admitted into one of the top CJ programs in the country - a very competitive program - one that will fund me throughout my doctoral studies and support me and my research interests - I sat down and was speechless. If you can guess, it takes A LOT to make me speechless. I didn't even announce it on FaceBook for a couple hours (a miracle!!!). My eyes welled up in tears and I only sent out a couple texts to my closest people and that was it. They accepted me. I'm officially a doctoral student again. Just six months out from prison and nearly halfway done with my Master's Degree in CJ (a 2 year degree that I am completing in 1 year), and I was accepted into the program. I will be able to transfer in some of those CJ doctoral credits I've been taking and some other credits and I should be able to finish completely within about 4 years (2019 graduation) as long as I don't get too ill or lose my focus on what I choose to do for my dissertation.

So, how does someone who has just been admitted to the doctoral program spend her evening? I just mapped out all my classes for the next four years and have a plan to get me to graduation. This nerd is ready to take on her new PhD program. It officially starts in Fall, 2015 as I have to complete this Master's Degree first. I've done a lot of thinking about this step of having to complete the Master's Degree and I am grateful that since I approached the department in July, it was the only way "into" the college - since school started in August and PhD applicants can only be selected during the January application process. It has helped me work my program of acceptance, being humble, and realizing that I need to trust my higher power. I have learned a great deal this year and need this knowledge to be successful in the doctoral program. So, no regrets at all. That's the thing about trusting opportunities - as long as they seem to be leading you to where you may want to go, you need to take the chance!

One year ago I wrote a blog about how my life would be so different in a year and nothing about prison would matter. I was wrong on the second part. Life in prison definitely matters, because it has helped me know how I am going to help others in the future. However, my life is incredibly different than it was a year ago. A year ago I questioned if I would ever be a student again, yet I had a hope that I would get back into my University. I promised all of you that I would. I did. I also promised that I would fight to be a PhD student again. I am happy to report that step is complete as well.

For everyone who also has a history with a felony, I understand that it is hard to have so many people tell us that we "can't." I'm like a broken record when I talk about and write about "second chances" when I have talked with admissions, etc. about my story. I use my story as an asset, rather than a hinderance. If we are honest about our mistakes and share our lessons and show our humility, we are much more likely to get to where we need to get to in life. It is when we blame everyone else in the world and take no responsibility that life just gets harder and harder for us. I know that no one is "giving" me this opportunity. I am earning it through hard work and a lot of perseverance. Anyone can do this. It does not matter where we start --- what matters is where we finish!! We have to stop looking back and just start looking forward.