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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

I Just Wanted Your Life to be Easier

So, my goodbyes with my folks went almost exactly as I thought they would. There were no tears. There were no longer than normal hugs. There were no promises of visits or letters or pictures. My mom chose to drop me off a little early at the commuter train to the city because she wants to get her car appraised, she did not wait with me or see me off. She spent most of our time together this morning on the phone with friends telling them that everything is good and talking about her upcoming trip to Las Vegas and Los Angeles. She did say one thing before we said goodbye, "I just wanted your lives to be easier..." referring to both my older sister and myself. I'm not sure what makes a life "easy," as some would say my sister- who has a nice house, two spoiled daughters, and a handsome husband, and doesn't seem to have to work has it pretty easy- but life throws her curveballs. Doesn't life throw everyone curveballs? I mean, the people with tons of money overdose, the people with much love get in accidents, the people with perfect marriages get cancer... Stuff happens. An easy life is not a guarantee. It is about how we handle our life that matters. I know my mom regrets many decisions she has made in her life. Honestly, I do not. I cannot. Who knows what different decisions would have led to? Life is about learning, growth, acceptance, and responsibility. Do I wish I were not going to prison? Sure, absolutely, but I know that it is not about dream world wishes. Life is about getting through the difficult times and still being able to smile on the other side- looking back and saying, "whoa, that was quite a ride."

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