From Freckles: Bruised but not Broken...

For those of us who were not locked up during our pretrial and/or after sentencing, we were fortunate enough to have the time to mentally prepare for our prison destination. But, is there really a way to totally mentally prepare?

Contrary to popular belief, this is not "club fed." Yes, we have exercise facilities, outdoor sports activities, bands, seminars and evening adult continuing education classes. Our stresses may appear to be few compared to you on "the outs." We have three meals a day, a set "bed" time, no monthly bills to stress over and no clothing choices. We have five pairs of underwear & 5 t-shirts; so our 2 designated laundry times per week are sufficient.

However, sometimes, just the daily trials and tribulations are enough to push us to a breaking point. There is a "pill line" that medical patients need to wait in up to 3x/day and sometimes up to 3 hours, just for medicine. Then, there's even the instance where you get up to the window and are told your medicine is "discontinued." WTF does that mean? The individuals working the "window" are contracted and know nothing about the BOP workings. So, you go an entire day without your medication and a trip to "sick call" goes on your calendar for 6am the following day. if the following day is Wednesday or the weekend, you are SOL, there is no sick call on those days. Once there, you sit from 6am until sometimes noon or after. You get to see a PA - the Docs here are like the Wizard of Oz; you rarely see them. Some of us have restrictions that preclude sitting more than an hour or two - again, no regard, we're treated like cattle. Once the PA sees you and tells you "we are weening you off your medication," it's shock. This person has NEVER seen me, they have no clue. But, we "Deal."

We miss loved ones birthdays, our anniversaries, holidays, and most of a "normal" existence. We make $0.12-$0.40 cents per hour - enough to maybe buy some hygiene products and snacks. We are charged 5 cents/minute for email - even if just reading them and 23 cents/minute for phone. We have to rely on y'all (yes, we are in Texas - ha) to send $$, so we can afford to survive. Not everyone has a "hustle" like dragonfly - Ha! :-)

We've lost our freedom and our independence - we don't know if today's the day we anger an M floor patient or crazy in pill line and get knocked on our butts. This my friends, is stress - we're pushed sometimes daily, sometimes monthly, to our breaking point. We cry, we get frustrated, we rant. Thank god some of us have people in here we can honestly call "friends" and who can get us through days like these. It's hard to make our friends/family in the "free world" understand.

The people here try daily to break us. Please keep that in the back of your mind when we're "suntanning" on a gorgeous Texas afternoon watching/playing softball.

Godspeed my friends... "Freckles"

(From Dragonfly - an interesting and honest perspective!!!)