From Dragonfly: Names

Many books/shows state that all inmates go by their last names in prison. This is certainly true when we interact with staff of the prison. Most just refer to us without any salutation. If my last name was Smith, I would be "Smith" when they need anything. In education, they add a little respect, and would refer to us with a salutation, "Ms. Smith." A good number of the staff can't pronounce our last names correctly, and they don't like to be corrected, so we just have to get used to being called by the wrong last name. If we don't respond, it is on us, not them.

Inmates, here, tend to refer to each other by first names. I wasn't anticipating that. The only people I hear inmates calling by last name, are those much older, and the salutation is added, "Ms. Thompson." Other than that, everyone just goes by their first name. I think it may be different in other prisons, but that's the way it is here.

There are also many nicknames, including the family relationships I wrote about before coming to prison. There are many, many women here in "family" relationships - calling each other, "sister," "mother," "daughter," and "daddy," among other names. These are not people related to one another, it is merely a family structure they put together while being incarcerated. They may eat meals together, help each other out with commissary, and protect one another. Some are in relationships that go beyond that, many are not.

There is one exception to the above paragraph, there is a mother and daughter in my unit who are actually mother and daughter. They just recently transferred the daughter to our unit. Her mom has been here for several months, but the daughter was still being sentenced. When sentenced, the judge actually said that daughter and mother should be at the same institution. The daughter is very early 20's, and the mother can keep an eye on her. They both have 10 or so years to do. I was very surprised that not only the judge wanted them at the same institution, but that the DOP actually followed through on that recommendation. I am glad that they can maintain their loving relationship - especially with so much time to do. It's funny to hear the two of them squabble like normal mother/daughter relationships.

There are at least six women in my unit who share my first name. One woman has a girlfriend who screams our name all the time to get her attention from upstairs. I can't help but turn around every time, knowing full well that no one screams my name in the unit (my acquaintances tend to be a little more respectful of everyone). I considered a nickname, but I just went back to my name 5 years ago, after going more than a decade with a nickname. I don't need to get started with another nickname. I guess it would be easier if everyone just called me by my last name - I am the only one here with it - but then it would be like I was playing on a sports team. That's the last time in my life where people all referred to me by my last name.

I was glad that no one gave me their own "nickname" upon my arrival. There are a couple people who call me "genius," which I am not, but for some reason, since they think I'm 20-something, and I know more than a 20-something person should know (I'm 40 after all), it's just a nickname of assumptions that are not true. Plus, there are the students who call me "Ms. Tutor." I don't mind that name. It's the way that they see me.

Names are really important to people and their identities. My identity is not necessarily attached to my name, as I share my full name with someone who is famous, has published under the name, and even owns a URL under my name. If people don't know me, they actually think I could be her. I've often thought about changing my name, even if just my last name, which I may still do, so I am no longer confused with this other more-famous woman (whose politics are very different than my own). Perhaps marriage will one day change my last name, or I will just use Dragonfly Hazel for a while. Although, I may seem a bit flighty with the name Dragonfly. It's a good pen name and I love that so many appreciate my writing. I think what I do in my life and for others is much more important than the name I am known by.