It's up to the Grad School

It was only eight months ago that the grad school of this University sent me a letter informing me that my admission was being revoked. This morning I learned that the same Dean requested my new admissions file and is now making the new admissions decision. She'd ended her prior letters to me with "this does not preclude you from reapplying to [the University]." I hope it also does not preclude me from being readmitted to the University. My fate, once again, is in her hands.

The truth is, this may not be a bad thing. As I mentioned a couple days ago, the criminal justice department specifically asked for a waiver of the admissions processing so I can be admitted, which they said would need to be approved through the college of social sciences and the graduate school. So, the Dean requesting the file away from admission could merely be the formality of that process and my admission "could" be coming soon. When I mentioned what occurred to the CJ department in an email, the response was, "Sounds like they're working on it, and we should have word soon."So, I shouldn't worry, right?!?!? I'm doing my best, really!

I guess I should have put together my backup plan already. I'm a planner. I'm usually quite organized. I watch so many people with felonies struggle to get any work. Highly talented people who can't even flip burgers or make beds at a motel. With my health issues, I know that my only chance at work, and especially at paying off my restitution and being a productive member of society, is to be using my brain. I will just keep sustaining the hope that this is all going to work out. There is still time. Tomorrow is the deadline for putting me in the system for my graduate assistantship. We have about 28 hours from the time I am writing this post to receive an answer.

If I do not hear anything before the end of today, I will put together all the courage I have and try to reach out to the Dean in the morning. My hope is to just let her know the deadline we are on with the graduate assistantship and that I am available for any questions or concerns she may have regarding my application. I do not want to appear pushy, but I need this job along with the admission to the University and the grad school will understand that. I pray it won't have to come to that. I can see the worry in my supervisor's eyes. She also does not have a backup plan. She has plans for me that stem far more than even this upcoming school year. It's the organization's 50th anniversary in two years and she already has me on the planning committee.

It's my time to try to put all this out of my mind for a while and go spend some time being in the moment with a friend. I can do that. I will turn off my phone so that I am not constantly checking email and I will take a couple deep breaths and find the courage to let things be what they will be. I know that no matter what, it will be okay. I will be fine. I will persevere as long as I am in recovery.