Too Much Distance

I'm in need of my besties. Today proved that. Out of the blue, I received a text from Traveler inviting me to lunch. We sat and caught up - other than a few times over the last several months, we really haven't had much time together. The same is true with all my local friends - Cache and I have hung out only 2-3 times, Joy and I about the same... it's true for all my friends close by. Then considering my friends back home, and it's even worse. I once talked to Survivor every couple days at least, now we catch up at most every week, sometimes even less. Same with all my close friends back home.

Being out with Traveler was good, though. It was nice to catch up on her life. So much can happen and she's such a genuinely good person. She also treated me to lunch and I didn't understand why. She said it was to celebrate my getting through the semester. Then she pointed out all these things I've overcome in the last five or so months - release from the BOP, finding out that I was officially back in school just hours before classes started, flairs of my health condition, my grandmothers death,  going back to work, a new major, more credits than I had to take on, moving in and taking on "family," where I lived along before going away, etc. I started to tear up. I hadn't even thought of this past semester in those ways. I just kept running, running, running, and trying to stay on top of everything and not letting anything - especially my new "Felon" written across my forehead (figuratively) keep me from achieving anything. I suppose Sporty tries to tell me these things, but we live together and I know she is always kind to me, hearing it from someone else helped me really hear it. I think what I hate about taking on all that is that I inevitably put distance between me and all those I really care about. I keep saying I'm going to do better. I must do better. My life and all these goals are nothing if I am not a good person to the people who are angels in my life.

Maybe the right plan for me isn't to try and catch up with the person I was before all the legal stuff came down in 2013, but to slow down and catch up with who I am today. I don't necessarily know what that means exactly. I mean, I intend to still chase my goals, but I need to breathe. I need to spend time with the people I care about. I need to let people know that they matter, too. I have some time right now to put all these thoughts together and be kind to myself and really meditate on what it all means. I intend to do just that. In the mean time, I need to thank Traveler for my unexpected lunch and her incredible friendship over the years. Her energy from the minute I met her was the kind that one just wants to be around. She has an incredible way of helping me find broader perspective as well. It's time I stop putting distance between myself and everything important and stop running so much and just slow down and enjoy more moments like lunch with a good friend.