From Dragonfly: Mother's Day Weekend

As a woman's prison, mother's day weekend can be both sobering and filled with happiness. From the young 18 year olds, to the 80 year olds, a woman here is likely to have one or more children. You wonder what happens to those teens that have children too young, well, they become moms and they love their children just as much as anyone else. Perhaps they were not ready to be moms, but they are and they miss their kids so much. The older women not only have children, but grandchildren. Throughout the compound, people wear pictures of their kids next to their i.d., in the pockets above their heart, and in the "keepsake" mug they drink their coffee out of. This is true 365 days/year, but this weekend, there's an even greater awareness of missing one's kids.

Mail call has been especially bulky this week, as people's children mailed in hand-made cards, pictures, and more to tell their moms that they miss them and love them. Even family pets reached out to their "moms." We all see the women, when the envelope arrives, slowly open them and then the tears come to their eyes, as they chuckles at their children's drawing or hold a picture close to their heart. Perhaps these women did something wrong, but they are not all bad people. Being away from their children is the biggest punishment they get - nothing of being in prison can compare to that hole in your heart when you are away from your loved ones.

Visitation this weekend is expected to be very dense. Local families were given a rare opportunity to visit Friday night. With only 24 hours notice, I'm not sure how many took advantage of the extra 4 hours of visitation, but I saw some women in full uniform heading to the visitation room. We are warned that on the weekend, they will likely have to ask people to shorten their visits - local families will be asked to leave first - giving the families that traveled further and can't see their loved one often, to have longer visits. It's going to be a hot day - 90's and humid - but I imagine they will open the outside section of visitation - just to be able to accommodate a few more families.

Parenting from prison has got to be a very difficult task. I know that my ability to be there for T.S. has been strained. Sometimes, I just can't call her - I don't want the phone to just hang up on her when time runs out. I don't want that feeling of not being there to help her through her difficult decisions. I am not a good example of parenting from a distance. Others, like Red, I'd say do a good job. She calls everyday, sometimes more than once. She emails with her oldest daughter. She releases control to those on the outside who are taking care of the kids, but she is still involved in decision making, celebrating, and even punishment when appropriate. Not a day goes by that Red doesn't have a good story about something her kids said or did. Just the other day, her youngest daughter said she wants to be a "smurf," and they had a long conversation about why. Her kids may have experienced her absence physically, but she never left them emotionally and that is something not to be taken lightly. In just 17 days and a wake up, Red will be heading back home and she and her family will be able to put all this behind them. The thing about children is that they are resilient. In time, they forgive. They just want to know that they are loved.

I am reading a book, right now, that shares so much joy about how a mother's love can carry us forward. The book is the new one by Robin Roberts and since I received it yesterday, I am just a short bit away from finishing it. I will write separately about the book, because it is that good and that inspirational. If I write my story, I can only hope I can write a book similar to Robin Roberts. It connects health, faith, forgiveness, family, friendship, and love in a way that few stories ever do. I mention the book because of the way Robin Roberts refers to her mother, and the relationship they shared for the 50 years her mother was walking on the earth. Her mom is now "home," meaning her "heavenly home," but was the kind of person that was able to give so much to her children and community. I know that Robin knows that she is able to fight anything because of the wisdom and encouragement and humility of her mother. As much as this book is about Robin's fight for life, it is about how we can not take the gifts our mom's give us for granted. We need to listen, really listen. I can't wait to share more from the book with you.

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day (tomorrow) to all who are moms. Please don't take for granted that your mom will be by your side forever. Even if your mom is not with you at the moment, lives far away or like so many here, incarcerated, love them. Send them prayers for health and coming home. Visit if you can. Call if you can't.

For me, I have been trying to call my Mom since yesterday. No answer yet. She works A LOT. I will try again today, wait in any length of line, to get to talk to her. If not today, then tomorrow, even though the lines will be that much longer. No line is too long to reach out to someone you care for. I love my Mom and I hope she has a wonderful Mother's Day!