From Dragonfly: As the Weekend Starts

I am finding myself very reflective right now. People are going about their typical daily business, as am I, but I find myself spending more time in bed - reading, thinking, writing... Red says that she wishes she could just sleep these last few days away. I understand that comment. If I could just wake up and it be Wednesday morning, I wouldn't really miss anything.

As my final weekend imprisoned looms, though, I do have some things to do. I will take 5 more pictures with friends - leaving an envelope behind so that they can be mailed to me at home. I will get in some breakfasts, walking, and work-outs with Freckles - we have three days to be active together. Perhaps I will pick-up a canasta game or two with Mama and friends. I will enjoy a meal with many. Most of all, though, I will reflect. I will memorize what it was like to be a prisoner, so I can effectively write about the experience; so I can never forget how far an addiction can take me; so I can look back and be proud of how I've gotten through this experience; so I can always know that I've paid the price for my past behavior and I no longer have to look in the rear view mirror - it's about today and the future is yet to come.

I may stay away from my old khaki clothing for a while. It's time to wear some bright colors in my life. I can't wait to move into new habits and not old habits. My goals are to stay active, cook (learn to really cook), keep writing, get back in school, give back to my community, attend GA meetings, be open and honest about myself and my past, take Hope for as many rides as possible, notice everything around me that is beautiful, never walk away from a great sunset, keep trying to be creative, care for children, love open and honest, take care of all my healthcare needs, be grateful, meditate, always look to my higher power, go geocaching, enjoy movies, read more, television less, be a good friend, stay open-minded, keep in contact with everyone of the people who have helped me through the last six years, stay humble, and practice forgiveness. Well, at least that's the goal list I have in my head at this moment.

I think it's important to always have goals - a fire in your belly of what you are passionate about. Even in the hayday of my addiction, I still tried to reach my goals. I failed often, but I never gave up. In my recovery, "hope" became the word for all my goals. I've waned from my hope at times while in here, but the fire in me is once again burning. I have a lot of hope for myself and everyone I care about. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know it will be amazing! Of that, I have no doubt.

I am spending the next several days making the best of where I am and preparing for the next phase of my life. I can't sleep through it. I must focus on the things I can do to make each day the best it can be.