From Dragonfly: Prepared to Walk

Six days and a wake-up and I do not have my travel plans. That's okay, though, because I am prepared to walk home. Why else have I been working out hard every day for the past month or so? It may take me a year, at my pace, but I'm sure I'll see some beautiful and interesting places in America!

Okay, seriously, I am surprised that I have not been "called" down for my travel planning, yet. I've talked to the people who make those arrangements three times in as many days, but there's "nothing" they can do until they hear back from medical about whether they need to fly me or if I can be bused. No matter what arguments I put before them, it is my doctor, the one I've never met, who decides what method(s) of transportation are right for me. The fact that I need to have an injection on Tuesday (since Monday is a federal holiday) is something I am unable to even present, but will, if/when they finally call me in. I know one thing for sure, the woman who makes the travel plans is not here Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday... so tomorrow and Tuesday are the only days my arrangements can be made. Otherwise, I'm serious about walking if I have to. I am leaving a week from today.

I received a packet of information from my halfway house last night. They must have overnighted it to my case manager, as it is original documents and was just mailed. It consists of the rules and regulations and a form for my signature that I agree to abide by them. I read them in full last night and there's nothing unexpected. I'm allowed a cell phone, but have to keep it locked in a locker at the entrance except when I'm leaving the facility. I will have a curfew. I will have assigned chores. I will be responsible for my own transportation. Many of the rules seem more apt for someone who will be there longer than just for orientation (which lasts about 5 business days), as well as for men (hair must be cut above the collar with no braids or pony tails... I can't imagine they are referring to women's hair). There will be "lights out," specific hygiene products we can use, a locker for all our stuff, and things we are permitted to wear. Good thing, I will be allowed to wear my own clothing, so Sporty and T.S. will bring me a bag of items. Just wearing my own clothes will help me feel more human again.

After my time in prison, I think I'll be able to handle the uncertainties of halfway house well. Red says that I'm stressing over the "little things." I am trying my best not to. I am going home. I will see my family and start my future. I will catch up on the lives of so many wonderful people in my world. A halfway house may not be pure freedom, but it is a step towards it and I will take it in stride. The rules/regs did not talk about access to the internet, so I am curious if I will be able to write. No matter, I will journal and update when I can.

My friends are planning me a "goodbye" party. I asked them not to. It seems wrong to celebrate my leaving when so many people I care about are left behind - here. My celebration will be when all of us are out. But, they insist - cheesecake and all. I thought I'd talked them into a fruit salad instead... I mean I am working out every day, but failed and they are still going full out with the fats. I will be grateful. I am grateful. People sent me off with a small party before I self-surrendered, now I get one before I leave. The love and gratitude I feel for the people in my life is so inspiring. Everyday I learn how to be a better person because of the amazing people around me. Throughout this experience, before, during, and soon to be after, I am humbled by the love, kindness, sincerity, and support of others.

My last days here are still yet to come, but I know they will be fine. Whether I am sleeping, working out, writing, reading, crocheting, laughing, playing cards, talking, waiting in a line, eating, showering, standing count, or walking outside, I know I am fine. I am really okay. This experience will never define me. So, I suppose I will not be walking home. For all the people who love and support me lift me up each and every day. I know I will get home. I know I will survive any more road blocks. Everything is possible. I won't give up my hope.